Influences (or Why I Write the Way I Do)

Natalie Goldberg (free-flowing writing)
Clarissa Pinkola Estes (wild woman writing)
Jane Hutchison (direct-to-the-point writing)
Ernest Hemingway (simple words writing)

Thursday, August 26, 2010

The Last Cookie

i finished the last of a chocolate-covered cookie today. one of several attempts to cut down on food that would do me no good in the long term. like pork fat, specifically from spareribs cooked adobo-style. after boiling under low heat for 30min, the pork pieces are further fried in oil. once browned, adobo sauce is poured into the mix for a hearty cholesterol-laden meal.

i'm not sure how many years would there be left to be officially 'off' fatty and sweet foods. i mean the day when medical diagnosis would confirm my not only having a heart problem but diabetes as well. not just dementia and psychosis, in my father's line, you name it, we have it --- high blood, diabetes, lupus, asthma, and cancer. suicide though never (knock on wood) as it is perhaps the predilection of the valenzuelas to die their existence through. sleep deaths, very many (around 5), the latest a 20ish cousin from iriga city. i have long predicted that i will die in my sleep.

but so far, the latest APE taken last june in naga city says, surprisingly, that i am within normal levels of cholesterol, uric acid, and sugar. the ovaries and uterus are ok, fit enough to be pregnant again.  the breasts are the only problem, one that i choose to ignore for now. just for now. and perhaps my bones. just a little physical exertion through weeding and packing, for instance, stresses my bones to no end. this morning, i woke up feeling queasy on my left side. my wrists, both left and right, are painful from transcribing (and blogging?).

lately, my body's getting much of my attention, as if i never cared about it. but i have, and still do. i just never have been serious. have never sustained the effort thus my 140+-lb weight still, after yoga, herbalife, slimmers world, the 3-day diet, and even the 7-day diet. still, the food i like are oily, fatty, sweet, and ultimately rich in flavor in soups and sauces. i will die knowing that i've given in to cravings, survived yoyo dieting, and now just trying to make peace with food and lifestyles once treated as my enemies. by choice, i'm giving up not only chocolate covered cookies for good.

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