ever since i got here last october 6, yaman has yet to utter the words 'i love you' to me. i used to believe that i am not a listening person. that i don't care for declarations as long as gestures are there. but i am mistaken. when it comes to my daughter, i want to hear her say it. those three words are important to me.
perhaps i am still alien to her. someone who just left three months ago and is here again. this alien who nags her about toothbrushing and doing things on her own, and not always relying on her yaya, to be fed, bathed, clothed, doted. this alien who monitors her every brushing, the direction of the toothbrush (up, down, side, tongue) and makes her repeat strokes already done. this alien who just this morning ordered ate elvie not to spoon-feed her, her favorite carbonara. this alien who insists she puts on her own panties, shorts, sandos, school uniform, socks and shoes, rather than be clothed like some stage actress. someone who gave her a birthday party, with a big cake, but an alien still.
for yaman, perhaps, i am not yet home.