Influences (or Why I Write the Way I Do)

Natalie Goldberg (free-flowing writing)
Clarissa Pinkola Estes (wild woman writing)
Jane Hutchison (direct-to-the-point writing)
Ernest Hemingway (simple words writing)

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Muchos Gracias Shadowman

one advantage of having a lifetime partner with the same emotional, intellectual and spiritual wavelength is having someone to blog for me; finding the perfect words, even the perfect topics which i would chose to blog for the day. it started while in perth, specifically during sunday visits to janty whose house has no internet connection. ShadowMan would blog for me, thus, saving me from the penalties self-imposed under Natalie's challenge.

lately, he has been blogging for me during my travels, and at times when he senses, i am just too busy to have to worry about blogging in the evening. these voluntary blogs come as a surprise for me, the gesture poking my heart and making me weak all over. for someone whom no other man had done more without being told to.  ShadowMan seems to know my needs before i even articulate them; sometimes just anticipating my need to have a wall, or a cushion, to rest my weariness. in many intangible but noble things ShadowMan enforces that indeed, i am no longer alone. no longer the one lonely lady wishing for someone to reach out to across the dining table, across the bed, across the miles separating work from home.

many previously single women would quip how hard it is to adjust having a man again in one's life. with ShadowMan, i go through periods of adjustment as well. i still decide on my own, belatedly telling him of my decision, not consulting, like this job offer i got while still in perth last august. but more than usual, i am grateful that a man, the man has finally come. not only for filling the emptiness but also for bringing to life the sparks that have long been dead, like someone breathing fire again to an age-old worn-out chimney. one book i read said, it is not enough that we are completed by someone. instead, we should make sure that we are complete as we are before committing with someone. as if completeness is a requisite, and that being incomplete while committing makes one undesirable, undeserving. where do i stand as when i finally said yes, i am taking on life with you, my ShadowMan, i was still an incomplete restless soul?

i could not help admitting that ShadowMan is here, completing me, filling the missing pieces with answers, with assurances, with acceptance, day after day. putting the beliefs i've forgotten and taken for granted back to the surface, day after day. in essence, being complete is not a defined static state. completion is an endless process as we contend with our changing selves. pieces of us forever shifting, looking for the mold, the partner pieces rendering us stable.  this is ShadowMan as he completes me, in every aha moment, and in every day that i discover more about this man i first set eyes on 26 years ago.

ShadowMan does more than blog for me. as he writes for me, we are continuing our history, our sense of the future that only our shared lives together would complete. 

No comments: