Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Stopping and Instinct
because this is phase 2 fieldwork, i am filled with new data collected for the past two months and the old data carried over, gathered last march to june. i know i have to move up to the study of organizations now. but i feel like stopping. to think through the data, write and find a more strategic way to gather org-level data in the coming 4 months. actually this december, since only 9 days would be spent here in naga, i'm planning to organize finally the household data, read through the transcripts and immerse into the experiences of the orgs i've selected. no, i am not following another standard method in the field. i'm just doing this by instinct. after experiencing such a heavy load on my chest since monday. as if there's something wrong with immediately immersing into the org-level in-depth interviews, with the household data left hanging. lately, i've been having insecurity dreams: being caught bathing in public, being heckled while reading out my poetry in public. in both dreams, i am fighting off the antagonists. the first, i nearly strangled to death, and the second, who happened to be william baldwin, rammed in the head by the folder in hand. i am insecure but i know what i'm doing. i'm ready to defend. so now i'm stopping. not to hibernate and do nothing. but to work deeply with my hands, reconnect, refill the spirit of my bones.