Influences (or Why I Write the Way I Do)

Natalie Goldberg (free-flowing writing)
Clarissa Pinkola Estes (wild woman writing)
Jane Hutchison (direct-to-the-point writing)
Ernest Hemingway (simple words writing)

Thursday, January 6, 2011

The Burden of 5

i have been warned before by my numerologist (now deceased) that with a 5 in my numerology chart, i am bounded to be backstabbed, in local lingo, ta-traidor-in, especially by people close to me; specifically, those that i've helped.  so he warned further, slow down on your generosity. give a little kung pwede.  it would turn out to be ironical because that same generosity would help Mr. Nora by way of the family he left behind in 2009. 

as of today, that prediction has rang true.  in my high school batch, i am the outsider, even if this turned out to be the work of an ex-housemate schoolmate who relied on me for financial help when she was finishing her then college studies when we were already 32.  in woodfields, the business development guy who i recruited to the firm, worked with me in the same unit for 4 years, was my daughter's godfather, would wrongfully turn the tables on me on a project bid to save his ass and until now refuse to even say the 'sorry' for what he's done.  the husband of an ex-college student, which i recruited for the same company, similarly turned Judas during this harrowing experience with woodfields last 2008.  debts to relatives are left unpaid after so long a time, without explanation or apology, i sometimes wonder if i need to show the beast in me to these people. 

it could be a damper to helping, these pains i go through. this way i know life could be tortuously unfair. perhaps it's just better to help unknowing people. just to go round the curse and be rid the burden of expectations. 

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