Influences (or Why I Write the Way I Do)

Natalie Goldberg (free-flowing writing)
Clarissa Pinkola Estes (wild woman writing)
Jane Hutchison (direct-to-the-point writing)
Ernest Hemingway (simple words writing)

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Balance

i got lost in a maze of weight loss advice, dieting tips, fad diets.

it's just striking that the solution lies in the basics. in what we've been taught in grade 4 home economics.

take a balanced diet. eat everything in moderation. avoid junk. eat your greens. drink lots of water. at that time, there was no need to advise on coffee but i know, from how my dad scolded me when i pour his black coffee on my plate of rice, there must be something bad about it. 

eat early, sleep early and wake up early. a classic hand-me-down advice from our lolas.

all work and no play makes jill a dull girl. and so we learned in typing class but we rarely take to heart.  although we need to cultivate space and our pride once in a while, these are not excuses to take for granted the important ties that bind us to the earth and the heavens: family, friendships, true love, our faith.

Balance everything in your life and you will see what i mean.  

Monday, May 30, 2011

Vitti's Veal Stew

This is my re-creation of the classic Irish stew or lamb stew recipe found in Michelle Berriedale-Johnson's Low Salt Cooking (1999).  For it, bought a flame-proof casserole to help tenderize the meat and still reserve its juices.

Cook veal first over olive oil for 5 minutes, to brown. Take the meat off and with additional olive oil, fry onions and carrots until 2 min. Add veal back and sprinkle sea salt to taste. Pour in 3 cups of water, boil and simmer for 30 min in low heat (No. 2 if electric plated-stove). After such time, add asparagus shoots and sprigs of thyme, and simmer for 10-12min.  To add more flavor afterwards, take the veal and veggies out, and mix butter, pepper, and chopped basil to the remaining stew. Put veal and veggies back and serve immediately.
In this finished product, I found the carrots very tender. So if you like your carrots and other veggies crunchy like I do, the veggies could be added on the second round (after the veal has gone tender) under a simmering time of 5-10min. To cook the traditional stew with lamb, the first round takes 1 hour. And to cook with potatoes, these are added at the second round, to simmer for another hour. Yup, magastos sa kuryente! But the taste is worth it especially with the sweet smell of veal/ lamb romancing the onions.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Chocolate and the Devil

chocolate is the devil's creation. a dark temptation, seducing and while wrongful, you just don't want to stop. only after would you realize, after you've succumbed, how incredibly sinful you've behaved.

just after noon, just after mass, bic-bic invited me to have churros at the Chocolateria San Churro at Market St. here in freo. a treat for the 2nd death anniversary of her mom last wednesday, 25 may. i was not prepared to eat anything 'solid' after a quick early lunch at the japanese noodles just before 11am. so after begging off from the churros (long thin finger breads dipped in chocolate), settled for spanish classic chocolate instead.

the chocolate hit me on the first lick of a spoonful (even this sentence sounds lustful). it reminded me of my own dark champorado way back in elbi when after running out of champorado powder, mixed the porridge with milo instead. the chocolate at san churros way perfect: dark, creamy and enticing. while i know it is 'bad', too 'bad' for my health, i nonetheless indulged.

only after did the effects settle.  the skin tingling, the heady feeling while walking and the insatiable yearning for water, water and water. the chocolate took the best out of me although initially felt so high finishing a cupful.

it's a work of the devil. this spanish chocolate. no happiness here just guilt.

i will resist until the hubby comes so he'd know what i'm talking about.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Matatapos Ini

matatapos man giraray. 

just finished entering into excel matrices, the triangulo interviews. san felipe is the last (UPVILLE). the 80th of 91 transcripts finished.

only 13 more from Lerma to be transcribed, and matricized but later.

chapter 5 is still a draft, and 91 households will do, for now, according to jane. 

so there. matatapos man giraray ini.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Mini Break

on a friday, had an unexpected mini-break. a break away from work, not anticipated and not desired. but i didn't break away from 'work' though. at home, a lot of work awaits --- the laundry, the grocery, the washing, the tipig, the cooking, and more washing. i was hoping to continue doing the excel matrices in the afternoon but to start doing so at 330pm, with a bunch of dried laundry awaiting tipig on the bed, i just gave in.

at home, i rarely sleep away from phd work. instead, my time is used up still by things immediate and urgent at home. by 430pm, my back was already sore so indeed i have to lie on, raise the legs, but still hardly slept as i decided to just relax by reading Umberto Eco's 'The Name of the Rose'. it looked interesting at first sight inside the second-hand bookshop in freo but in the first 10 pages, i already sensed that it's just like a sherlock holmes novel set in the 14th century. the protagonist, a Father William of Baskerville (interestingly similar to one SH series, the Hound of the Baskervilles), using deductive reasoning ala SH. i sure hope it could amaze me more with the knowledge Eco seems to have with 14th century religion and politics. 

aside from  this highlight of a rather output-less day (when it comes to the phd) which i honestly rue, the mini break has been exhausted by now, now that i'm on ym with yaman so it's like any other evening. which is my reality? tomorrow, i return to the finite world of the phd, which because of this mini-break, i sorely miss, with deadlines nearing and so far, i've written only 2903 words. but in the evening, i go back to my full reality of motherhood, wifehood, sisterhood, friend-hood and all 'hoods' i wear in this grand universe of time.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Password Permutations

how many combinations can i arrive at, a lifetime of new passwords based on two birth years?

hmmmm...inversions, additions, inversions, multiplications, inversions. we'll see...

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Free Time

on two occasions now, after meeting with jane, fortnightly (every two weeks), just have this urge to go somewhere and just experience hours of 'liberation' from work and impending deadlines. the previous meeting, i remember going out after, with roxanne and having hot choco at garden city. today, went back to freo, alone but careful to avoid the alleys and backstreets, to buy a book for a friend and firming lotions, drop by the off-shop (where i bought this Benetton jacket (jeans) made from Italy! at A$6!), bought omelet holder and grater at sale price from target and stopped by the grocery for some housing needs, as requested by roxanne.  last saturday, over hot drinks at lunch, i was asked by carol what i do during my free time, what i do to relax. i could not give a straight answer. there really is no set free time. there really is no hobby with time long enough to do (even cross stitching has been put on hold). i only have this. time to get away. time stolen from a work day, justified by what has been finished and reported to the supe for the past two weeks. this is my free time.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Libido on a Cold Day

what do you do if you're in heat?
while trapped in your jeans
the biting cold invading your feet?
how can arousal be satiated
in the company of excel files
of transcripts awaiting processing
and can the man across the wire
keep up? jazz up?
or will he clam up?
with yearning unsatiated
the solution is but
a matter of fingers

Monday, May 23, 2011

My Beautiful Herbs on My First Gardening Day

Today May 23 2011 is momentous. It's my first in 40 years at gardening. So I prepared well. Bought green gloves, made sure to find the shovel in my new home and a spare pot. I'm going to re-pot an herb today. 

To survive the blandness of the hcg diet, i learned the taste and mix of different herbs. so one impact of the diet other than a small figure is awareness on how good herbs are to food than just their aroma. they add taste to the point that beef would never be beef without, and so as chicken, and fish. 


This is Cory, my first coriander.  Sometimes I call her 'President' for obvious reasons.  Re-potted it because in its original pot, the green pot, it looked like a congested mass of green with all those long stems entwined. I renamed the one in the new brown pot, DC for Daughter Cory and the one in green, MC, Mother Cory. Nah, the gloves didn't do. I still wanted to feel the earth and make sure DC and MC's roots are secure, so in a short while, I tossed my gloves aside and laid the earth on the sides and on top of them with bare hands. Feels better. Really hands-on. DC and MC would agree.

This is Reggie, my first oregano. Actually, among all my herbs, she's the first one bought from this Italian woman at swap mart.  Bought Regg because when I got here last April 1, I was nursing a bad cough and oregano could be taken as cough remedy, its juices combined with lemon juiceThe Aussie oregano though is a far cry from the large, fat-leafed varieties in Naga. I wonder why. Here, the leaves are so small. Nevertheless, the old lady advised the leaves could be mixed in hot water to make a good cuppa for cough.  I teasingly call Regg 'libagin' because of these grainy particles sticking on its leaves. They're just tiny bits of soil.

This is Ima (like Ima Castro), my first thyme. Best for beef and lamb.  Ima looks big here but she's really the smallest among my herbs.

Ah, this one is of course Rosemary herb. I call her Mary Rose, which reminds me of my lovely batchmate in Colegio and so now, I turned to calling her 'Mae'. Rosemary is best for chicken and fish. Smells so so good.
 
This is the grand duke of the the brood, the only male. No one else but Basil! No need to rename so I just call him Basil. I think he likes my touch the best.  Ever since I bought him, with Ima, Mae, and Cory; about 4 Sundays ago, he's been flowering. The Italian woman advised that the best way to harvest Basil is from the top. It's one of the most aromatic herbs, along with rosemary.

My beautiful plants galore. This is the best spot for them. Here they get sunshine in the morning and splashes of rain when it does. Every morning, I water them. And I talk to them, every single one. Every single one called by name and given a 'ligo', with Cory (then) getting a drenching because Roxanne advised that coriander normally grows along rivers so they must like water so much. Other than being called by name, I give them a 'kiliti', rubbing their stems and caressing their leaves lovingly. Perhaps that's why, again, Roxanne says my herbs are growing very well. Because I love them with all my heart.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

Us, Mothers

it was in a bookmark that stephii gave me --- that it would be rather easy for us, women, to be someone's sister, aunt, niece, cousin, grandmother, but it takes a very special circumstance, and indeed, a rare privilege to be someone else's mom. not every woman is blessed to be. and although i initially felt it an 'accident' the time i was told 'positive' by dra. jocson, i realize now the very special trust bestowed on me from Above --- this special grace of motherhood. 'grace' because even i don't deserve it, at a time when i had no husband, not enough financials to support myself (what more another?), and with the lowest of confidence, it's like the Lord knew all the while, i could pull it off, and get around to being, feeling, accepting i could be one.

last night as i was about to say goodbye to Yaman on skype, after about 40min when she refused to talk, and was just listening to her tita yumi and cousin ira play the guitar, told her out of nowhere, 'pasensya na ha, malayo lang si mommy'. and the steely aura of my daughter broke. the dam of her tears flowed and within seconds, she was crying helplessly. and i too. first, a suppressed cry as i asked ira to hug her for me, in all irony, because technology could never be human.  i cried after even during the skype session with the hubby.

for the first time, in a long while, i felt my daughter's sadness, our sadness; her loneliness, our loneliness. her helplessness, our helplessness. i used to think that without me, she still has her lola, her tita, her ate's, her daddy uncle. and that would suffice. after all, she's just a kid. after all, kids have fleeting memories. how wrong am i to think that way. kids are human beings. they have all too-knowing feelings that could sense departure, absence, separation. as much as happiness they know sorrow too.

Yaman's tears drove to heart the essence of what we have --- our relationship and its fragility. of bonds that could be bridged occasionally by technology but could be frayed by the absence of physical prolonged presence, of real contact, that the incident last night, technology could not save.  i wanted to embrace my daughter, take her small frame against my heart, and just absorb her cries. not to let her stop but rather, to let that dam out that is in her heart, as what i usually do when she cries at home and i'm there. she just wants to cry her heart out. that's all and i let her.

Yaman's tears drove the point, which my analytical mind has not captured too fully until last night.  how unique we mothers are. there might be support networks, of relatives that range from head to foot, but for a child, no one can replace the love of a mother.  we might drown our children with love, be military-like in dealing with them like tiger-moms, hands-on like bestfriend gie, be absentees like me, but for our children, we would always be special, unique, whatever our style.

in truth drove to my heart with tears, i cry back with the desperation of longing and the hope for separation to be a temporary thing, one that will draw to a close soon. i had to look at my life, and release to the Lord things not in my control (the separation) and command faith, determination and a lot of extra effort to what i can (this PhD). like a stubborn seed that refuses to wilt under hard climate, i will persevere to finish as soon, and still as best, as i can, because there is a love to save, the love of my daughter .

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Losing My Coffee

the side effect of hcg therapy and the diet of fruits, veggies, lean meat and good carbs (no rice please) i now maintain is surprisingly, my vulnerability to caffeine. which i still wonder why because during the 45-day hcg diet, i was taking brewed coffee almost every day, and at two cups daily.

upon returning to uni, i went back to drinking cappuccino, which as you may have witnessed in this blog, led me awake overnight for about three times. my heightened vulnerability to caffeine even comes with green tea, which i could only take in the morning. the same with coffee. i could only take caffeinated drinks in the morning. once i violate this, even a sip after lunch would trigger sleepless nights.

how do i cope, especially with the overpowering smell of nicole's cup of coffee every morning and afternoon at uni? pseudo coffee! a drink as dark as coffee made from cereals, barley, rye. it's a german invention as explained by nicole, borne out after the second world war, when the embargo against germany and the difficulty of importing coffee beans from south america, harkened the germans to invent their own, with whatever grains are available. this reminds me of our very own 'tinutong' --- coffee made from roasted rice, the last time cooked in the house in naga during Daddy's last night before burial at the  sto. nino cemetery.  nicole had to point out that the brands i have, ecco (at home) and caro (uni) are both made from germany.  see? i can't be sherlock holmes.

so little by little, i'm getting weaned off from coffee although cereal coffee would never ever replace the aroma, the bitterness and the content that one gets from drinking one cup of the real thing in the morning, afternoon, and one before going to sleep.  i try an occasional cup every three weeks, and it takes a great deal of willpower (helped by the will exercised during the difficult hcg 45-day regimen) to ignore the whiff of cappuccino brewing in the library every time i visit.  having a cappuccino, like coffee jelly at starbucks, is to mark an occasion. like finishing a chapter --- only as a form of celebration. 

i will miss coffee for the rest of my life. but this is better than losing sleep.

Friday, May 20, 2011

Peer Reading

a peer reading group a researcher could engage to be able to draw reactions from people on prepared chapters or manuscripts. the objective of the group is to be able to convey reactions as readers and in so doing, inform whether: (1) the text is generally understandable, without the need for highly technical or grandiose words; and (ii) the writing has 'come across' based on what the writer has promised to say and what has been said in the process. the need for peer-readers stems from the notion that writers have become so engrossed with their writing and their 'improving' of it that their thinking becomes trained to do 'editing'. one needs to be isolated from this frame and so fresh eyes and thinking need to be engaged, in order for a reader's understanding of the text to unravel.  today, i engaged the Hubby who is no neophyte to the academe or in things philosophical.  the risk here of course is the decorum that comes with our relationship. so i have to remind him time and again, no need to please me. you don't have to. just read the text, imagine that you just picked it up and from nowhere, and let me know how it sounds. that's it. i'm working laterally now.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Naga and Raya

please send
3 boxes of fern-c
1 black pantylet
1bottle virgin coco oil
1 book Development as Freedom

on a random Wednesday
how i wish i'm in naga
and raya
with my beloveds

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Between Me and Justin Bieber

Yaman is hooked on Justin Bieber. in 3/4 of the time we were online today, she was surfing youtube for Justine. said goodnight Yaman and nothing. said I Love You Abalantung and still nothing. if i haven't called incessantly, she would not say 'bye' and that is with just a side glance at me. her I Love You coming out as a grunt. at 5, i am just an adjunct to this JB.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

583 Words

i'm writing Chapter 5. no haven't gone through chapter 1-4 except for the one part of the chapter on kaantabay (no chapter number yet then but ohhh, has this changed!). chapter 5 has two major parts so far. the first involves a discussion on sites visited and the second, on households. i'm not yet finished with the tally sheets on 100+ households so decided to write what i can on part 1. today, starting 130pm, wrote 583 words, which is equivalent to five medium-sized paragraphs, or about 5 sentences in a paragraph. with a limit of 15000 words for this chapter, it means that, technically, the chapter could be finished in 25.7 or 26 days. just time enough for the june 30 deadline he he. but of course it's not that 'easy'. writing a phd is not just writing. the focus on arguments forces one to be more precise, to hone in with specific claims, reasons, and supporting fieldwork evidence. it's like writing a legal argument sans the legal jargon. because the meat that hugs the bone should be written in exactly or less than 15000 words. God help me.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Welcome Back to Me

the hubby has been doing the blogging for three days on end. a problem with technology and circumstance but it's glad to be back. down to the blog of my life. sometimes i don't appreciate it, much to the point of hating it. but someday, when i come to read it after several years, i guess i am mapping my life here, right at this moment now. i will be reminded how i like sherlock holmes bbc series and the quiet confidence and deep characteristic voice of benedict cumberbatch. i would remember my life  here in quiet cozy windelya in a room beside the highway i got immune now to the sounds of traffic and large trucks that make the windows vibrate. i would remember the frustration of not seeing yaman for days because of a poor functioning wifi 9or is it my pc?) and the love through any season, any mood, any time, by my very own Shadowman. i will remember and this blog is the key to everything.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Pinnacles II

salamat sa pag-alalay mo sako
maski nuarin talaga, dai mo ako pababayaan
grabe an pagpadangat ko saimu
maray na sana ika ang para sako

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Pinnacles

at 550pm lightworker sent a distressing message
"we got stuck here at sand dunes..."
the whole coach got stuck on the sand as the
tires won't work on soft dunes
the rescue bus will come in 2 hours and 
as this is being written (it's 818pm) it's no way near 

the pinnacles
where extraordinary rock formations 
rise eerily out of the sand are one of
western australia's unique landscapes 
it is a three-hour drive north of perth

of  the few times shadowman dreamed of danger
this is the moment he dreads the most
this is the time he should be with his queen
with you in the cold amid barrenness




  

Friday, May 13, 2011

Blog-less

it's almost a blog-less day for blogspot.com
as there are some un-routinary diagnostics
the team had to do after discovering a bug
few days back...
but looks like the matter's been resolved

Thursday, May 12, 2011

No-Shit First Draft

what an exhausting day. didn't get to read. maximized being alone in the arc by preparing the typologies for tenure conditions found in the sites studied in naga. i haven't counted them but the depth of the 'structure' in excel had to be printed in three pages, landscape, to be discernible to the human eye. i mean for eyes with a 25/125 vision. this is for a chapter due in june. and if i've learned something last january when i dared write a chapter, it is that a chapter would need about 3 months to write - to draft, prune, prepare tables, figures, analyze and improve. there is no perfect chapter but i don't want to submit shit.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

My Daughter Right Here

while i study Fox's article, my Yaman is making virtual ice cream. i had to ask because the soundtrack is different from the one on sugar cookies. so this is how we are, some of them, over skype. she does something else, while i do something else. Yaman is an image, almost too real to touch. this could provide useful input for a baby thesis. how relationships start, transform and sustain over the web, especially those where love is naturally intrinsic. seeing Yaman, i could almost smell her cologne and never fail to marvel at her round bright eyes. i love you Yaman. i just love you so much.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The Every Day Solution

the shelves in my part of the room are filled with photocopied journal articles. if i'm not wrong, more than 300. and these i have to compile in neat annotated biblios for the lit review. then there's the matrix of interviewed households to fill, in 11 excel files and about 30 more of 100 waiting. then there's the june 30 deadline for the chapter on households. then there's peer-reading, editing; not to mention quiet time to get one's thoughts in place. how can i do all these? suddenly, i remember nicole's cut out from a newspaper comparing having a baby to having a phd as a labor of love. no comparison can be as off-tangent. but then, don't parents complain how they're going to raise their children, give them a good education with so much other things needing attention: the rent or mortgage, food on the table, health needs, utilities, general housekeeping and then voila! all things get done in their own time.  is this grand outcome also waiting for me in the end? how can i have time given so little time? the most practical solution is to just go to school, to uni every day.  every day to get something done. one journal article at a time. one household. one excel row. one paragraph. one page. it will all get done. amen.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Dara's Rosario

so who would gift me a rosary from the Vatican? my friend Dara, who is a Muslim from Indonesia! it was a warm surprise, yesterday, as i came over and we had lunch together with Salma, her eldest daughter with Luky,. my colleague at the ARC.  i was made to choose between a green and a blue one so naturally i took the former.  the rosario as she calls it, with green beads topped by silver. with the eyes of a 40 year old, i could not make out the names of popes, presumably on each silver plate connecting every other bunch of 10 beads.  with a magnifying glass, i could soon make this out. it is special because it's from Dara, and because it is unusual to get such a religious symbol from someone whose own religion is portrayed to be not only 'different' but in opposition to mine.  and while Luky strongly forbade the curious Salma to touch it; the little  girl admiring the greenish hue and silver links, i could very well understand.  in their dining table, i was placed in a curious situation where a highly-prized gift for one could be an anathema for another. but it's from Dara. one of the most sensible persons i know and one of the best moms ever. her artwork and creativity is just only one of the bonds that connects her to Salma.  and i shall keep this rosario to my heart because it is from her. she went beyond caring.   

The Rosario is quite long enough to use as a necklace.

Can't seem to take the right photo of the crucifix but the detail could be gauged by the grooves in the image.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

The Discipline of Blogging

the worst exercise is to do what one must because it just must be done.

to blog the blog of the day, the blog for a lifetime.

so in the middle of a sentence, just after the long-awaited chat with the hubby, and the urge to  pee; here i am blogging away. a toil, an obligation, which sometimes, i still get to enjoy.

ah, the discipline of blogging.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Remembering Cheng

for the past 20 years cooking it, because it's simple and i like soupy meals, tinola i still look like the way Cheng, my one other bestfriend from college, taught me.  saute the garlic, ginger, and onion first then add the chicken, then simmer it for five minutes to naturally extract its juices.  the water is added a little bit later and until the chicken's cooked, the vegetables, normally, papaya (or sayote) and chili leaves. that's why everytime i cook tinola, i remember Cheng.

Cheng stands for Cheryl, a DavaoeƱa, with the stance of a model although she's just over 5 feet. she's the typical homebody; finicky with cleaning but never strict. cooks very good food, one of which is the perfect lumpiang ubod, with homemade crepe. she fell in love, hard; and a time when i did too. and fell out of it hard; the same way as i too.  thus, we spent a cynical but funny valentine dinner together, to 'mourn' our respective heartbreaks. was it 1992?

as all my bestfriends are to me, they are mirrors to my soul. seeing and enduring, the best and worst in and of me. that's Cheng but in the link of all our heartaches, now somewhere out there, we share again the best of our lives, in love and living in real love. Cheng has a husband now and two kids in the US. we rarely keep in touch, except at the time when i was still on friendster. but i guess that's how bestfriends are. the regularity is second fiddle to the familiarity, and the acceptance of who you are, how you may be, at any time, your elbows would brush again, by accident or grand design. 

I miss you Cheng, tara tinola tayo...

Friday, May 6, 2011

Misplaced Pride

what a day! booted out an ingrate of a maid! is it really because of one's low education or plain ignorance to not understand generosity and tolerance? or it is just a flaw among people, to salvage their own brand of pride by fault-finding?  Yaman's yaya has been with me for 3 years.  she's paid a generous salary, with a bonus every december. trusted around the house. anytime she needs money for her siblings' enrolment, her sister's field trips, her parents' wedding, she only needs to ask.  how can a text imploring her to not abuse our concern and generosity rouse so much anger and misunderstanding from her parents?  the issue is not even monetary although the difference in our social standings clearly reflect the economic bases of her dependence on us. but what about the readiness in which help is given? the treatment, not even as a slave. not overworked, not underpaid, not maligned, not maltreated.  what sense of pride do poor people really have?

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Letting Go

it's not easy seeing death, looking at it taking hold of a loved one. but it is an inevitability. one can never be prepared enough though. and still, the 'norm' is for the younger generations to bury the old, and not the other way around. i have read somewhere that Death is a cheat. it takes away the undeserving at the worst of times, in the worst scenarios. i think otherwise. karma does not work with death. if we are for instance looking for justification in the death of innocents. or if we are to look at the grand spiritual design by the orchestrated almost handed-down-to the public execution of OBL.  we are but transitory beings in this material world and Death is the permanent spectator. we just have to let go.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Collective Sighs

by late afternoon, we were already exchanging collective sighs - nicole and i. she from rushing on with theory for a thesis due on march 2012. i, rushing through the household matrices for a chapter due on the end of march. sigh:(...from one facing the window.  sigh:( from one facing the wall.  a german and filipino sharing the solitude of silence, the tolerance of the walls to our collective sighs.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

This Neophyte and Late Blooming

a PhD in Politics and International Studies being pursued now, after 24 years being discouraged by the father to enrol in Political Science for her bachelors.  so now, she is forced to study politics like a freshman. literally skimming books on how to do 'political analysis', what the hell really is 'politics' as a science although she is quite right, concluding before in simple terms: Politics = Relationships. now she is forced to learn the ignominy of philippine politics, and to the disappointment of the father that Marcos would never be a hero in her eyes (despite admiring him for his genius). she wonders, amid her forgetfulness, she's read Bello, McCoy before, in articles quoting these authors, but how come she's only learning now. she is drawn to a constant theme in her life, reminded again by her father's words: late bloomer.  thrust by some force to harness value at the later stage of her life, in whatever aspect. all she has is hope, a bunch of faith, although sometimes not in herself, because of fears that age is catching up in memory, eyesight, intellectual capacity, muscle and bone strength, metabolism.  but she holds on to that, this late blooming. it usually comes with age, and there might be some hopeful promise in that.

Monday, May 2, 2011

From a Woman

a woman so excitedly showed to her man
her borrowed cookbooks 
she is learning to cook  
all for him...
truly he is overwhelmed
he is loved and he can't explain 
the profoundest joy never been 
felt before from a woman 


Usap-Usap

we are playing riddles. sino ang anak ni hubby and wifey? yamani! sino ang takot sa butiki? yamani! sino ang takot sa ahas? si lola! sino ang kaibigan na kaibigan ni yaman? si gwen-gwen! sino ang favorite disney princess ni yaman? si ariel! hindi, dati  ariel. pero si belle na ngayon. gusto ko yung yellow heart nya. now, she's just talking, relating her day. how she fares with her friends. her wish to travel to australia with mommy. these moments wash away all the guilt and sadness. it's good to be home in our daughter's heart.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Here or There

the prospects of  US, WE finally becoming together in all aspects
may come in 2012
it may be here or there
for as long as there is US, WE
here or there is immaterial

Postscript:
today John Paul II has been elevated
as 'beatus' in an elaborately sacred rite at the vatican
we raise to God all our intentions through JP's powerful
intercession and hope that in His goodness He will grant 
the greatest desires of our hearts