when a friend from here eventually goes home, with thesis submitted and affairs in order, one is left holding a bag of inspiration and a bag of desperation.
inspiration because the other's experience points to what one should do to be able to finish. and that is not just to work hard, which is a given. but to persist even if a day in uni brings a lot of mishaps like computer glitches, the meeting with the supervisor goes awry, and one contends with missing data. to focus despite a single blank page staring at you by 5pm. to endure every step, every heartbeat, every hair on end wanting to just do the opposite than go to uni.
desperation as one envies the other's journey home. of breathing the polluted but still welcome air of manila in naia. to drown in the warm embraces and greeting smiles of loved ones. to relish what it means to be filipino: in food, custom, the news, its politics, the scenery of dwindling ricefields, and to just speak tagalog, bikol.
while revisiting this thesis outline, my mind is filled with thoughts of home and when and how i'll be able to make the final and successful breakaway from the toll of the phd as bic-bic did today. in the sadness of this cold gray nook that is my room, my spirit takes solace in thinking forward. so vitti, persist. focus. endure. live it.