Influences (or Why I Write the Way I Do)

Natalie Goldberg (free-flowing writing)
Clarissa Pinkola Estes (wild woman writing)
Jane Hutchison (direct-to-the-point writing)
Ernest Hemingway (simple words writing)

Monday, December 31, 2012

Vamos 2012

2012 goodbye. it's a mixed year. but no regrets. still luck reigns. the heart is free. i'm still wide awake. thank you.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Under the Weather

how to be well before the new year? robitussin, hot water and puff.  the adjustment continues...

Saturday, December 29, 2012


today, the birthdays of giane, gab and gerry boy were celebrated. the cubs and pride of their Mommy and Daddy. it is a rare feat, to bear kids close within the months of december and january. the sister shares the same birthday with her daughter.  not to be outdone is my daughter. although our birthdays are seven months apart, hers falls on the wedding anniversary of her lola and lolo. unraveling and unfolding.

Friday, December 28, 2012


partly the season. partly the heartbreak. partly the weight loss. partly the desire TO JUST BE. got what i wish for before the 2012 ends: A SHAVED HEAD!

Thursday, December 27, 2012

The Them

at balance with science, logic and reason is the mystical where santiguar, maligno, aswang, and St. Benedict figure. to be considered professional and learned is not an excuse not to be attuned with the real world of spirits, of those that hover, claim space and potentially harm. they are here along with the concrete and the visible. the world is at balance, and so they exist.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Les Miserables: 13 Years After

in the receipt tucked in its pages, i've bought the book in 1999 at A$17.95, which is still a good deal. thick, with brown pages smelling classic in a flash. the book has been sung in operas. it has been translated in many movies, the latest of which is an operetta starred by Hugh Jackman, who is indeed Jean Valjean/ Monsieur Madeleine personified. but still, probably because of eyes that discern better now and a heart that understands better the murmurings of loneliness and solace, i'm glad to be reading the book only now.  13 years after that visit to Dymocks in Fremantle. at the start of Part 2: Cosette, i'm near to things associating her with my only one, Yaman. development is indeed a hypocrisy as long as we don't squint bleeding the poor.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Ang Pasko ay Pista ng mga Bata

ang pasko nga naman ay para sa bata. makita lang ang ningning ng kanilang mga mata sa paghalughog, pagbukas ng regalo, ng stockings na laman ng kendi't tsokolate, sa pagkanta ng carols, at tuwa sa pakikipagsalamuha sa kapwa bata sa kainan. sapat na ito para gunitain ang isang maayos, mapayapa, masarap at masayang pasko. may kasabihan man na tayo'y di na isip-bata, marahil mas mainam na balikan ang alaala ng pagkabata. pagpugayin ang diwa ng pasko sa ngiti, tuwa at galak ng mga bata sa ating paligid.

Monday, December 24, 2012

This Time

the first time. blogging with Yaman sitting on my left lap, insisting that i blog about her farting --- how gross! or the story of pale green pants 'with nobody inside them' - scary! in the background is someone singing nonoy zuniga's 'doon lang' and by the window, the glint of christmas lights, and carolers just told off by my mom (hmmmm...). we wait for midnight, my daughter and i who can't stop thinking about her gifts. she's getting heavy now, leaning against my left hand as i type. perhaps i should stop now. and she should sleep already, time enough to wake by midnight and finally, yes, finally, open the much-awaited, long-for'd gifts.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Simple Lang

plwase, save me from going out tomorrow. still not in my element, grappling with cough and an impending asthma attack. tiomorrow i might just read les miserables. a simple christmas treat for one choosing to just think, live and be simple, whatever the circumstances.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

My HoBbY



Friday, December 21, 2012

Easy Lang

it must be the crowds. the rush. the in and out of aircon environments and the searing heat outside. must be the staying up late, checking yaman's temp and concerned she keeps on moving - a sign she's not sleeping well. 4 days before christmas, the blogger is sick, but happy nonetheless.  i've been away from writing for 1.5 days now. time to take it easy muna.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

MyFav. Singers and Songs

Taylor Swift ,One Direction ,Nicki Minaj ,Live While Were Young,One Thing ,Last X-mas ,Sparks Fly ,What Makes You Beautiful,Love Story                                                                 the end

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

yughghghfgfgvbgvfgcfvbhgvgjyhugdfcxddddssasfggggdhhgfhhgggvbvvgfbvvhghfgvvvhbhvm,nbjkbjgnmn lkjlh,.hjhl,jk,hl.j,kj,b ./mmbjkhjjtjjhgjjjjhujujjjjjjjjjjjhhhfgjhfhbfggfhghjduhfhfjghuuyhfgujhjdghuythhyguhbfgyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyfgjngubgnbj nugjb vjmgbrnghvcnjvn b bnfnghfjngjnffngjnfgfj

Tuesday, December 18, 2012




Sunday, December 16, 2012

the funniest rap

girl boy bakla tumboy butiki baboy unggoy

Saturday, December 15, 2012

The Push Agenda

been pushing myself to write, even for 30 minutes in hectic days defined by bringing the daughter to and fro school in preparation for their concert today. haven't filled a page but the thoughts written down are serious, earnest. pwede na. the supes have not given their comments on the first section - giving me time to breathe. even on a sunday i vow to work because of the irregularity of days. the phd is just one of the 'others' this time. it is now and every day that what has been learned about writing be put into practice.

Friday, December 14, 2012

funny story

ONCE UPON A TIME    yung classmate ko na lalaki sabi daw   MAGANDA AKO tapos sabi niya sa snowjar niya   MAGANDA ITO                                                                                                                 the end

Thursday, December 13, 2012

All Pink

it's all pink. Yaman in pink pajamas and pink overall. notebooks, box, address book, pencils and erasers all mostly pink. there in the living room, the seat covers of which are also pink. it's my first day here in naga. i don't feel good for being away from the phd for three days, counting since monday. i am tired, sleepy for lack of sleep, and bloated for lack of 'moving'. but the reason i'm here compensates for all. it's all in the pink in the world that matters for now.

Monday, December 10, 2012

Home for Christmas

1 more flight
2 more days
8 hours bus ride
i'm home

Sunday, December 9, 2012

In 8 Months

Salamat Lord for getting me this far.

In 8 months - 

...6 chapters
...1 heartbreak
...1 publication
...1 trip to jakarta
....1 conference
...1 haircut
...too much doubt
...too much crying
...too much anger
...tons of mental energy to handle all these

Thy Will Be Done. 

Saturday, December 8, 2012

I Will Return

there is that secret fear that an accident, a revelation, a missed appointment, a misunderstanding of travel details will hinder the phd.  that one probable way to not finish is to not even come back, at a time when the finish line is yet in sight --- one or two more mountains, a lot more walking and seeing and thinking - but the prize is there...i can almost feel it.

in kardinya this afternoon, it is such a relief downing that cold aloe vera drink from simon's shop; thinking that i have done what i set out to do since april. i'm doing the last major chapter.  i've emailed the chapter section - just a section, but finished any way and already for review by the supes. end-of-year book returns have been made and the lady at the library counter understood and shared the relief of resting away, even for a short while, from university.  the desk has been cleared but the stacks of articles, books, transcripts, computations, reports, and written drafts are there --- waiting to be opened --- till next year my friends.

i will return. it won't hurt to get it off my chest - this fear - and - this optimism. to leave perth with a sense of light for a tedious but productive nine months. i leave in good spirits, anticipating the return to windelya, to south street, the desk at rm 2.04A, to the keys, and the unraveling stories of people, institutions, and cities. i have yet to make my final walk, south street.  i'll see you around.

Thursday, December 6, 2012


in writing, it's better to set your sights low but realistically.  a good day is not about writing 1000 words or more in a day. a good day is any day one can have time for writing. exert effort to write everyday, despite having PMS, a foul mood because of traffic, dreary weather alternating between sun and rain, or that oppressive shadow called laziness lurking around. find the discipline to write every day, even for a minimum of 30 minutes. make writing a habit and let the structure and content of your material take shape and flow.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Mixing it Up

while talking to charan this morning about his writing travails, realized that writing rules are not fixed and that in times where just needs to deal with the data and its intricacies, one just needs to let go.

charan was struggling and calling his writing 'stupid': just persevere charan. just keep on writing. and throw whatever you have to jane. pass on the problem to her.

he felt that his writing was getting nowhere: no one really has a concrete direction while writing. one gets the structure and the connection of ideas while drumming down the words. in short, one creates as one writes. thus, one should not stop writing. one should persevere to write crap in order to polish it once in black and white.

'i'm dealing with the chapter without any reference to theory': there are times like that. details had to be fleshed out before being referred to and evaluated with theory. sometimes one just needs to deal with the data first to determine what theory relates to it.

this phd is shit: that's normal. one goes through these dark moments. but still, persevere and write at the same time. now i understand what 'ass power' (dr. jing karaos' word) is like. fix your ass on that chair and keep writing.

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Two Friends and their PhDs

i'm so disappointed with two of my good friends today. two people who have a hard time facing the reality of their phd and choose to ignore it. if one has trouble verifying information from a secondary source, they might as well go to the primary source right? the horse so to speak. but these two people wasted the whole day, wasted the whole daytime verifying the information from me. i'm tired of you both. you're both matured and professional enough to face the consequences of your phd. what were you doing anyway in the years you've been here.

Monday, December 3, 2012


there is no easy road to going home. always, there is something that must be done beforehand. in a way, it helps. it helps one forget the nervousness, because leaving is in the air. to be preoccupied with a chapter, a book to be photocopied, a seminar to attend to, a coffee appointment with nicole is enough to suspend one's excitement in finalizing the checklist, packing, storing one's tickets and currencies. i can't really wait for sunday but there is a tuesday till saturday to contend with.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Sana sa Pagpuli

one week na lang mauli na ako
sana dai man bagyuhon ang naga
sana matapos man ikatulong sinusurat na section
sana dai man magkahilang
sana dai man mabayaan kan eroplano
sana mayong malingawan
sana, ta ako mauli na naman