Influences (or Why I Write the Way I Do)

Natalie Goldberg (free-flowing writing)
Clarissa Pinkola Estes (wild woman writing)
Jane Hutchison (direct-to-the-point writing)
Ernest Hemingway (simple words writing)

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Praying for Sleep

last night, i could not sleep after numerous visits to the toilet and the incessant feeling of wanting to urinate but can only do so in small spurts. UTI i thought. at past 1030pm, after lying down as early as 9am, i could feel the weariness setting in. so i prayed hard, Lord please just make me sleep. i have a lot to do tomorrow but i promise to see the doctor on what may be wrong with me. but for now, just let me sleep, please. closed my eyes and woke at exactly 429am, just before the alarm at 430am.

postscript: went to see the doctor at 130pm today. no UTI.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

'Grounding' Rules

at times i am victorious, as in, i am able to assert what i want to say in front of her. Jane always serves as my reality check. in times when confidence is brimming it almost makes me egoistic. like this powerpoint presentation for an academic conference on housing next week, here in fremantle. i was waiting for kudos from her. but instead, she looks at me unfeelingly, and asks, 'what do you really want to say?' and i'm like 'ahh...of's about my know...this...this...' and thud, i hit hard ground again. again, i am constantly reminded not to overlook the simple things as 'telling a story' of the thesis in front of a crowd with questions marked on their foreheads. these 'grounding' acts i always forget and had to engrave in stone someday to help me not forget the forest, and at the same time, not forsake the trees. so again, here are the 'grounding' rules:

1. write simply, 'talk' as you write
2. navigate your audience through the 'story': start with your basic premise, what then would you argue about it, how will you go about it, what are the key points
3. keep presentations simple, with brief sentences and lots of white space

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Napping on Skype

for the first time, in my skype life with yaman since june 2009, i caught myself napping on camera. Yaman was on the pink sofa to notice it. so this is what i am in the last six months of the thesis. after waking up at 430am to avoid the harsh sun, by 5pm, the energy level is setting too like the sun. so around 8pm, i clamour for the bed, only to wait for awhile to finish evening prayers, and of course, the nightly intake of vitamins and apple cider vinegar. sleeping had to wait, but in less than an hour. i hope.

Monday, January 28, 2013

Just Rest Vitti

just rest vitti and don't feel guilty about it. sometimes the Universe instructs the most basic of all things - take some rest, don't feel guilty not working on a public holiday, protect your back, all will be well. step aside, leave the driver's seat for a while, and indeed, all will be well.

Sunday, January 27, 2013

Claiming the Tarot

i am intuitive. i know how to read and am good at helping people with it. so i claim it, not as a moneymaking enterprise but for me to enhance balance in my life. to also nurture consciousness, other than intellect. to connect and reconnect with people through our inner lives other than the empirical life on the surface. if before the service was given for free, now a charge has to be set, to also balance what has been given by receiving something in return. kung ano ang kaya at maluwag. as always, to take from Jules Clancy, it's the love that's free.

Saturday, January 26, 2013

Australia Day

it gave me opportunities to study masters without cost, but of course with debts to the Philippine Government. with the doctorate it's all the same. it's not a perfect country, the men are smelly, noisy when drunk, without a sense of culture except for the one that's not theirs (Aboriginal culture). lately, they look at non-australians with some disdain. but still, no country could beat its blue skies, the research discipline that only ARC can impart, the melting pot of races where i came to meet an aussie mentor named Jane, a visionary historian that i could just call Jim; great friends from taiwan (Roxanne), germany (Nicole),  singapore (Stephii), and from within (Tamara, Dean, James). thank you Australia:)

Friday, January 25, 2013


it's not that i'm getting lazy to blog. it's not that i choose not to. been writing all day that sometimes, i forgot there's still some writing left to do in the evening. or i have shut down the laptop after skyping with Yaman to only be reminded, while already in bed, that i have not blogged. so to avoid these mishaps, trying to start the habit of blogging before leaving uni in the afternoon. since the groove of writing is still there.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Writing German

while struggling with the right words, there are those who struggle with the very words and struggle with the very act in which these words should be used.  i could not imagine how to get past struggles like these. while  blessed with the command of english, i cannot help but sympathize and identify with those who grapple to do so under time-bound circumstances. it's like being compelled to write german after only a year of minimal training.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Tom Hiddleston

Tom Hiddleston as Loki.  One more good reason for liking anti-heroes.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

No Shortcuts

today i want to talk about my panties. and my bras, and the socks. all these, every week, are soaked in soap overnight to remove stains. especially socks which become smudged with dirt by being walked over carpet at the arc.  i am particular about these internal wear. they had to be thoroughly and immaculately cleaned, and a sure way to do so is to wash them with my hands.

thus come the drudgery. it takes effort, and sacrifice of time to spend more than an hour on a weekend to meticulously rinse each piece, twice, and hang them out to dry. by november last year, i discovered a way out of drudgery, and began using the laundry machine to rinse the panties, the bras, and the socks now contained in a special rinsing bag.

but i'm not satisfied. somehow, with the force of the machine, and their being tossed to and fro, the panties do not look as white or as bright after hand-washing, the bras look lifeless and frayed, and the stocks thinned even more.

so today, i went back to the drudgery of hand-washing every piece and every important side. rinsing them one by one under flowing water, making sure the soap has been removed and the smudges gone.

so there is no short-cut to important things in life. short-cuts may save one's time but it does not compare to the satisfaction and fulfillment one gets from laboring over a good work done. perhaps also applies to my thesis, on this chapter, that i so want to short-cut to save time but just cannot, otherwise, i would be compromising the stories and the dynamics coming out of the data.

so from panties, bras, and socks - to the thesis. everything in life is connected, just not by any shortcut.

Friday, January 18, 2013

RD Jr.

yeah, he's weird. seems to have had botox in iron man 2. personified sherlock holmes wrongly. and done a lot of bad movies. the entire Iron Man franchise is just for entertainment only. but there is just something about Robert Downey Jr. there's just something. something about his portrayal of Tony Stark that nails it. this 'it' that is tempting, sacrilegious, sinful, bizarre. let's dwell on it awhile.

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Shaving Seriously?

bought Remington 24-pc high precision clippers today at $24. not sure whether i would really use it. part of me is regretting as i'm not too good with blades. what if i cut myself? while part of me feels it a bigger waste spending A$20 on a clipper cut every 2 weeks. so ok, i'll try this saturday. wish me luck i don't cut my scalp.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

First since Thursday

last night was my first deep sleep since arriving thursday last week. the sleep was so deep that breathing was filled, and i woke up happy, and ready at 5am. may there be more sleeps like this.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Ironing and Aligning

ironed clothes for the first time, this year, after a long long time of not doing so, getting content on just pressing with bare hands dried up clothes by the hems. have to go through all this fuss to align. hoping the showers would be enough to sustain a happy life.

Monday, January 14, 2013

Homing In Again

started slow. the empty desk was first wiped off of dust, then gradually, the bulk of written drafts, held together by a large clip, was brought down from the topmost shelf. then jane's comments, also in bulk, and held on tightly by an equally large clip. what i have written in the past three months about tenure in general and community tenure specifically? to align again with empirical evidence and the theoretical framework, found myself leafing through the first draft on conceptual framework, page by page, with jottings in blue on the side to mark some editing at the revision stage.  it's rebuilding the blocks that some kid had scattered all over while playing.  just slowly settle in vitti. you will find your rhythm soon enough. just be patient.

Sunday, January 13, 2013

Tomorrow's Uni Day

so tomorrow is uni day. the first day of the academic year, for me. the 3rd day of mens. still tired from the settling down phase here in windelya. but i have to go. to renew the school ID, get a computer upgrade and just home in again, with the PC, the files which had to be returned to the last wooden desk, meet the supe, and start the rigor of thinking again.  i have been away from the phd since january 2. a good 11 days. let's see what happens tomorrow.

Saturday, January 12, 2013

My Little Senyorita

i miss my little senyorita. the one who's so lazy to cut pics and makes an excuse that she's not actually good at it so mom can do it. the one who cuts her own nails and later dabs them one by one with acetone. the one who can endure mass but knows the cue when the priest raises the host, turns to me, and asks, 'matatapos na?'.  the one who's not a bilmoko but is just plain crazy about notebooks. the one who can't stop talking about taylor swift and one direction.  the one who starts a habit of eating chocolates for breakfast but no less than 7 days. i miss her. Yaman is so everything to me.

Friday, January 11, 2013

New Life

cleared all the stuff of the past. the unneeded, outgrown, and no longer helpful. i align with all positivity and all possibility.  every day is a new start. every day is a new life.

Monday, January 7, 2013

Last Long Goodbye

it is alright to be emotional after all. cry my heart as the tears won't show here, this time, this place. to travel again with the heaviness of heart. i may call perth home in some ways but it is naga always on top and worth the memory. how painful it is to my daughter, witnessing this leaving again. it will not be the last of our goodbyes, but may this already be the longest. may the future be kind to keep as close to one another soon, and for me to be strong in a new light, whatever it takes.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Family with You Anak

there's no excuse for the lost time. but every minute, every second spent with you my Abalatung has been great joy. baking with you, playing lumosity together, blogging, or just walking with you, holding your hand, singing 'tong tong tong tong' every night, reading about the frightening 'pale green pants with nobody inside' - these times can never be taken away from us, by any other. so whatever time we have Anak, that's what we will and shall hold on to ha? no use being emotional upon my leaving again for the last time. i am just here always as i carry you with me wherever i go.

Friday, January 4, 2013

crazy duyjhol

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Thursday, January 3, 2013

Their Stories

the whole story could not be told. truths can only be relative in time, circumstance, and the people involved.  what i appreciate is the trust and the homing in once the stories are rolling.  i intend towards balance and i wish for enough strength to listen, understand, and let their stories flow through the writing.

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

borring day

nothing,nothing,nothing ,nothing,nothingjust nothing every day n' boring every day every week always boring at doing nothing with nothing else every day what a boring day