i could not make up my mind last friday. at 6am, determined to stay in manila. need to clean the condo, drop by the edsa cubao bus station and meet cora. but over breakfast at 830am, diksi mentioned the deciding line - 'make the most of the time you have with your daughter'. so by lunchtime, i was off at the condo, packing this and that, ticking mental notes one by one (still forgot the black socks though). and as if serendipity had a hand, the taxi driver who took me to cubao was the jolly reliable type and we ended up exchanging numbers in case i would need more of his services in the future. for someone who heads to naga every so often, that's one more reliable driver in the list who can be trusted with a ride to cubao every gridlock friday.
and i was really meant to be home. the daughter got sick last night, with a fever of 38C, the early stage of cough and colds, and hallucinations around 11pm and 1am, after failing to get proper sleep. she was throwing tantrums, crying 'ayoko na' (i've had enough), 'ayoko ng christmas' (i hate christmas), 'ayoko dito' (i don't like it here) and 'mommy nag slow motion ka', all which confirmed hallucinations caused by high fever. but one that touched me was when after her first tantrums at 11am, she asked, 'mommy galit ka ba sa akin?' (are you angry at me mom?), to which i replied 'hindi ah, bakit naman?' (why would i?).
so there. split-second decisions make the difference between being there for those needing you most. there is the solitude of condo living where i can get more sleep, watch TV, and cook whatever.but i don't mind trading sleep and me-time for the daughter whose very presence fills me to overflowing. i am thankful to be here.