Influences (or Why I Write the Way I Do)

Natalie Goldberg (free-flowing writing)
Clarissa Pinkola Estes (wild woman writing)
Jane Hutchison (direct-to-the-point writing)
Ernest Hemingway (simple words writing)

Friday, February 28, 2014

Tired, Again

tired from the bumpy, rolling, muddy trip
from mayoyao to banaue to lagawe
it's age mostly
now slumped on the red sofa
feet bare, and keeping up with the blog
just tired, tired really
will grab dinner in a while
get garnier for a dye-ing session tomorrow
tired, tired, tired
sleep wrap me whole tonight

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Ikaloob Mo

mahirap mag-isip ng masama sa kapwa
ngunit Panginoon maari bang ako'y ulanin mo ng
pag-iisip na mapanuri sa salita
kaloobang nakakatutuos ng huwad
pagtitimpi sa kabila ng panglilito
kalinawan sa pagsinsin sa totoo

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

The Coming Things

on the road early
shaping, opening thoughts
taking another tack
enlightening on the other
in several years time
i will look back
to february 2014
and see
how one tomorrow
from the past
has unfolded

Friday, February 21, 2014

Kwarenta I'Tres

turned 43 on the bus ride to naga today.

whispered a little big wish, as, again, i recall, the baby swaddled and fresh from her mom Rosita's womb was surrounded by her grandfather, Geminiano, with violin music pieces, love letters of old, and math calculations.  how are these seemingly innocuous things guarding and guiding my life right now?  these things always nag in significance every 21st of february, always.

it's up for us to make our lives significant. there is no overarching fate nor can destiny be read by feng shui, the tarot, palm-reading, numerology, or any form of divination.  mysticism provides guidance, a view of another ongoing universe, but a universe that can still be ruled by our choices, decisions.

consciousness is what counts. an awareness that as Paolo Coelho wrote, 'A day in itself is an eternity.' so every day will determine the future. i live the day as it will be the future.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Ready Forward!

not a closing remarks, but a moving forward strategy
not the end of a long week, but the prelude to many more and much more tiring others
not the end of relevance, but instead the start of producing and realizing worth
the past becomes understandable and the choices made - these have been the birthing grounds
ready, ready, ready - i have been waiting for this!

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

My Choice, My Happiness

the light talk with Morning and Jen turned to our lovelifes - Morning the married one, and Jen, the newly-blessed with a boyfriend.  and both recommended that i watch 'One More Chance' or as Morning described, 'the best movie...everrrr'.  ok.  and she even quoted the line from the movie, 'nawawala sayo ang isang tao, kasi may mas mabuting taong dadating'. ok.  frankie said the same.  ok.  i'll watch the movie. i believe in the line's wisdom.  but solitude is still my choice. in this choice is my happiness.

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Early Night

perhaps in the first two hours, i'll just roll over many times, get up and pee many times, and stare at the wall many times. while listening to tennis balls being hit, water splashing down the pool, and if lucky, carry the smell of barbecue in my dreams.  an early night for an early day at midnight.  hoping the first leg all goes well tomorrow. but first, i pray that the driver gets a full night's sleep and all my teammates are fetched at just the right time. so for now, will close this down, do the necessary rituals and try to sleep, sleep, sleep. many many sheep will jump over the fence tonight.

Saturday, February 15, 2014

I Love Saturday

Saturday Saturday Saturday, you are mine today. Embraced just as whole and free as conversations with Cora. Where i forget the new labors with work, the nagging chapter 2, the missing of Yaman and a split life with so many roles to play. After this, i will lie down, raise these tired legs. Thanking God that there are always, always Saturdays like this.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Thank You Strongman

Thank you for coming here on V-Day
Thsnk you as we take it slow
Thank you because the want is there
Thank you as friendship is not set aside
Thank you, it was not a surprise at all

Thursday, February 13, 2014

V at the Theatre

happy valentine's day! we're watching a play tomorrow!

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

Latte for a Hug

after starting with the small stuff, now i'm tired. tired of touching the heavy stuff, the stuff requiring not only brain work but a great great deal of patience.

i'm tired. i need a hug.

perhaps i'll just go down and get some green tea latte. not a great substitute (for a hug). but a respite nonetheless.

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Jane Just Hates It

Rejected.  Roxanne, the Taiwanese ex-housemate couldn't believe the word I use to describe Jane's reaction to the Chapter 2.  of course, it's a rejection. i am made to repeat substantial sections. though it's a 'negative' word, i got used to it. i'm already used to how Jane subtly reacts when she hates my writing. and of course, it's different now because we're miles, islands and mountains apart --- what more, if i see her face? now, as i resume work on the chapter, after a week of hiatus (not deliberate), getting slowly back the rhythm and the nerve to go through jane's comments and suggestions as again. She's Jane, no-nonsense Jane, and she's never been wrong. she just hates the writing, not me. so i get on with it.

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Some Person, and Old Blogs

while looking for an old PhD blog, i stumbled on an old blog, that got me to reading some of our old blogs. blogs inspired by our togetherness while sleeping. blogs about our travels and momentous times. a part of me reads these blogs like some third person. some person that just stumbled on a blog.  some person reading about love as promise, as a shared future, then came the doubts, miscommunication, and the sad sad leaving. and the real-time me says, love is really like this. love can only be lived in the moment. that words do not, and will not capture what true love is. that there is no exact warning sign when love is in danger of falling apart. that there is no telling when goodbyes become final.  the blogs are --- because reality just had to be written. that in the end, to say that this is how i knew you, us, is not at all a lie.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

Don't Stop

it's hard. because the path is not steady. upon learning from the sister about her client's travails with the phd, my only advice is: tell her not to stop. not to stop ever. and indeed, i'm talking to myself. articulating what i know deep. it's really hard. the end is nowhere in sight. but i will finish. and i can only do so by believing that --- stopping is not an option.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

In Economics the Answer

Diminishing marginal satisfaction
Tired, no voice, sore throat, sore back
No space for whining though
One has to adjust, reboot, find time
To experiment, get away from routine
To pray more, believe, and trust more
Get your voice back, stretch more often
Meditate, laugh, engage the team, delegate
Expand the room, think further
Remember economics --- the only wsy to reverse
Diminishing marginal whatever
Is to keep moving, growing

Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Pagsusuri't Sakit

Hay sarap may nag aalaga pag ganito
Sarap mabuhusan ng pagmamahal
Ulanin ng aruga, pangungulit 'musta na?'
Matulog sa himbing ng yakap, init
Subalit sa katotohanan ng kawalan
Sapat na ang mangarap, masapat
Sa apoy ng pag iisa

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Fab Pips & Food

Laughter, light conversation, and lots of food. It's infectious seeing the team this way after a hard draining day. OK lang. They're all worth it.


on the saddle
aware of the bumpy ride
the destination clear
but the way, oh the way
is not as idyllic, refined
monuments are built to splendor
but none reflected
of the endless physical, mental toil
it's just starting vitti
watch out, take care
of your back