about the same time last year, started working on Chapter 2 of the thesis. working did not mean simple revisiting and revising. it was a major overhaul that involved one deep crying session with Yanti at the coffee shop downstairs of the ECL building. i cried because there is no way getting around and over chapter 2, with 10 more other chapters to work with. i cried because i won't be able to submit the whole thesis before july. i cried because talking about one's frustrations is not enough. it just had to be let go.
i'm still stuck with chapter 2. now working on the 6th version since.
i could choose to be frustrated. but the reality of one's position in life had to be dealt with. the reality of single mom-hood, of work away from my baby and that involves constant travel, of time split into various compartments, where the PhD has become one teeny weeny bit of a 'to-do' list. one bit that can only be allotted early morning commitments starting at 4am, every single work day.
working on the PhD now is like hammering on a wall with a penknife. bit by bit, a hole is made, a tiny whole that makes a mark, spreads out, first thinly and goes deep in time.
so i marshall on. still with the original ACER notebook that now, in four years, has gathered practical and yes, sentimental value. i just can't part with a very dependable and almost miraculously glitch-free PC since 2009. i marshall on because working on the PhD, even for 30 minutes a day, is better than looking at a closed PC, the edited printed and unruffled Chapter 2 on the table, with a whine. i marshall on, with two travel bags, one made heavy by PhD material to keep the writing momentum going, wherever i go.
it's very tough. very testing. but i'm not going anywhere Chapter 2! Happy Anniversary to us!