Influences (or Why I Write the Way I Do)

Natalie Goldberg (free-flowing writing)
Clarissa Pinkola Estes (wild woman writing)
Jane Hutchison (direct-to-the-point writing)
Ernest Hemingway (simple words writing)

Friday, May 30, 2014

Not Men, But Relationships

it's not the men, it's the relationship.  i remember Alvin, my good friend from ADB.  about a year as friends, he admitted that it crossed his mind to pursue or court me. till he changed his mind, realizing that i was easier, though more mental, to talk to. in other words, in me he found a friend, a sister - that's my role in his life.  and in one way, i too admitted to him.  That i appreciated him more as a friend. and if he did court me, we could have regretted it because we will not end up as friends, like this close kind of friend.  so when i look back at my past relationships, it does cross my mind that, perhaps, i should have not entered into that kind of relationship with this or that. that perhaps, if i chose the friendship route, and was more careful and focused on the value of friendship, there would be no loss.  and i may be right. because the past three relationships all happened very fast, all happened with eyes closed to trust, like jumping off a cliff with no prayer but to just soar and soar, not fall. except for Yaman's dad, the others would have just been my friends. i lost potentially good friends and that is regrettable.

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