Influences (or Why I Write the Way I Do)

Natalie Goldberg (free-flowing writing)
Clarissa Pinkola Estes (wild woman writing)
Jane Hutchison (direct-to-the-point writing)
Ernest Hemingway (simple words writing)

Monday, June 30, 2014

51 and Counting

while the list of 50 sounds daunting, did make it, even at 51 and more.


looking at my bucket of blessings, they all redound to this: my family and home in naga, the people behind my career growth (both pro and con), the kindness of strangers who later turned out as great friends, my moving up in the physical plane (health and residence) and the inspirational leaders in writing, keeping peace and abreast with soul, and personal fulfillment. 

i welcome forth more blessings as there is much much much more to give, do and share. 

i am already reaching completion and entering a plane where my physical needs matter less and less, and i go, do, and engage to what fills my heart with quiet joy. 

i am savoring every moment of my life. the count of blessings is endless...

Thanks for www.google.com for the pics.

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Sorry (again)

Sorry. sorry for the sentence. sorry for not making it on time. sorry for not hearing you quite well. sorry for slipping, sorry for doing not as expected.

Sorry. if there is an overly abused word in our vocabulary, it's Sorry, transgressions have lost the threat to penalize and penalty has lost the weight to punish.

Sorry. next time, mean it. 

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Game Face

I can never be nice, but I should. In work, difficult people are in every corner. I almost kicked one's table yesterday. But as the real Boss said, 'You should learn to wear a game face Vitti!' A game face that will outbalance and keep your enemies guessing. A face that betrays your true feelings. A face that will help you carry the weight of the world. Ok, ok, ok. Time to be game.

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Shaping Up

After 8 gruelling months, lugging over 5 provinces and traveling an accumulated minimum of 600,000km, the structure, the form, the logic is shaping up. I am aware that I can do this and I will deliver wherever I go and whatever work would entail on the side.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Segues

amidst Jane's constant drumming that i have to write logically, had to take extra care in making logical connections between sentences, paragraphs, chunks of sections. so in spurts of writing while traveling - had to push off waking time from 4am to 5am today from pure exhaustion - one 'effective' writing day does not mean full writing at all. like today, i just wrote a segue, a link between the political economy approach and how it is applied on two investigations: actual policy outcomes, and impact on the poor's tenure security. to get this link, this connection, this logic is enough of a success for the day.  i deserve to swim now.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Yesterday

In a dream, I saw his face. A gentle face with happy eyes and a fullness of character... A fullness, completeness, that I could not yet give justice to in words. Busog, buo, hitik. That's how the dream made me feel such that I was smiling upon waking up. That dream came while I was struggling with heartbreak in 2012. I could not understand the dream that but it left me so happy that even Yanti was ecstatic about it,about me meeting The One, finally. For more than a year, I've forgotten. Until yesterday. The dream was right before my eyes, yesterday.

He with the gentle face. Smiling eyes. Salt and pepper hair. An unnatural tan showing how transformed he has been by the outdoors. It's a face that you can trust. More than security, there's comfort. And more than strength, there's character without pretensions. No drum rolls needed. It's him. Just him. A complete person in his own right.

I am not jumping the gun. I am not assuming. Just putting into words how a normal day, an activity that I dreaded and initially canceled, could bring a pleasant heaven- sent surprise. And the dream brings me back to me, now. How age has caught up, and work has become unrelenting. And I think of perfection. Again the physical. Until I realize I've surrendered to the Universe. That that happy, full man in my dreams will come to me, will manifest, once he sees deep within me, deep within a heart that knows what and who it wants now.

And this time, i prefer time and the old tested road of friendship. To know more, be with more, build with more. As i bid him goodbye before sunrise today, he held my hand, touched my shoulder and patted my back. We hope to see each other, soon. I hope, seriously. I will for my dream to manifest. May it be you. I will wait. I will wait for only you.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Reading Glasses

wearing reading glasses for the first time.

well, been wearing glasses since college, up to 2008 when in one office day in SDS, just stopped.  took the pair down as a sign of rebellion.

but at 43, with poor eyesight, can rebel no more.

it's still a bit awkward. can't understood yet why reading glasses are this dodgy. but reality bites, and part of that bite, is straining still while reading.

i can't understand the logic. pero hata na, gamitin mo na Vitti at tumatanda ka na nga.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Migraine

The daughter has migraine. At the young age of 8. Taking after her grandma and auntie, my side. Aggravated by hours of internet surfing and her genes of poor eyesight, her father's side. Will read more about child nutrition, engage her more in sports (swimming) and crafts to cut her internet habit. How i wish she lives with me so we can talk more, walk more, travel more. And it wouldn't get this tough. Enduring your child's experience with an illness that could stay on in a lifetime. I love you my Abalantung. Mommy will do her best to take, erase the pain away.

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

The Holy Paragraph

it was just a segue paragraph. one that will link two sections.  still, amid texting to pacify and assure a teammate, the paragraph of two sentences was finished from 430 to 6am.  pleased because it was a paragraph of conviction. today, being slow but sure works. always, despite enjoying a deep sleep and debating whether to rise or snore on, the decision to get out of bed always has its rewards, even mini-rewards, which in essence, are still rewards. i wake up, write on, and a good day, arrive at this. okay na vitti, move on to exercising na.

Monday, June 9, 2014

The Most Important Thing

waiting for Nadal's 9th French Open victory in the news, thesis-writing had to come in spurts. so despite waking up at 430am and conditioning to work until 6am, only managed to write 8 short sentences and these not even thought-of structured sentences, but jottings as is talking to myself - 'what i want to say is...'. saw an image of myself - working in hotel tables, dressing tables of hotel rooms, even decorating tables will do, away from home. and i know i'll manage.  i'll manage going through all these ebbs of thesis writing. in the mind the thesis is still central. of all the things i committed to write for A, just as Nadal described the French Open among all other grand slams, the thesis is still 'the most important thing'.

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Happy with Money

a day when the future became very clear. affirmed that i prioritized protection and now moving on to investments.  credit has been curbed and will be repaid in three months.  what i commit to the One Up There is engraved in stone. to begin is now. this is indeed an uplifting day.

Saturday, June 7, 2014

Scrabble, ha!

5 straight games against the computer on Advanced model. 5 straight wins. You haven't lost your touch Vitti even if playing with your old vocabulary.

Friday, June 6, 2014

Team on the Brink

One is depressed, two are having an affair, three are absent or undertimr
One is sick, two played on by ghosts, three bothered by babies, of pet dogs, their own.

Such is my team on the brink. The least I can do is look on.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

The Power to Build

The Alimit River
And the Power to Build-
Resource Potential
Long-term Partnerships
Economic and Social Opportunity

I Commit to Build.
I Lead the Process
I am a Builder-Leader.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Nate is Walking

we'll remember, that the day his father left for Abu Dhabi on 31st May, Nate was already learning to walk, albeit still holding on to the sofa, the rails of his cradle, and the computer chair. when his dad gets home in another 12 months, Nate will be running, articulating 'Papa' more clearly. i know the pain of leaving a child, and witnessing her grow through skype and anything technological. one just has to make do with the time available. that time available to witness a child sleeping, talking, walking, playing, crying. Nate is walking - that's a very happy memory.

Monday, June 2, 2014

Breaststroke

just glide
hands on inverted heart
kick like a frog
breathe up
breathe down
repeat

Breaststroke at last.

Sunday, June 1, 2014

Heart of Alimit

Middle of the year and back to Ifugao. I need a place here soon - in Isabela, Ifugao or Baguio. Close to a new heart beating, the heart of Alimit.