Influences (or Why I Write the Way I Do)

Natalie Goldberg (free-flowing writing)
Clarissa Pinkola Estes (wild woman writing)
Jane Hutchison (direct-to-the-point writing)
Ernest Hemingway (simple words writing)

Thursday, July 10, 2014

The Prey's Turn

the past seems to be catching up on me, again.

in facebook (again), a man from the past surfaced last sunday, and started a trail of conversation with me from 630pm to about 830pm.  he asked for my cellphone number and by the time my night ended at 9pm, some man is (again) texting me 'good night'. he attempted to call twice. two unanswered calls after 9pm.

in the morning, the man texted again 'good morning' and provided a breakdown of things he'd do for the day. i doused his anticipation as i retorted, 'wow! a tracking report!'. i'm not interested at all how his day will unfold.  as you would guess, that man didn't let up. later in the day, he texted to know what time i'm leaving the office and whether i'll be free for drinks or dinner after.  replied only upon getting home, texting that i'm on skype with the daughter.  again, the man ratted off 'good night' before 9pm.

the next day was no different.  in the afternoon, i was given a status report of how his construction bids turned out, how his day was at SEC, and again asked what i'm going to do in the evening.  i gave no reply. before 9pm, he texted that 'are you done skyping with yaman? can it be MY time now?'.  i can't reply to this text.  by 9pm, he bidded bye and wished me luck on this trip to isabela.

being a single working mom, away from family, one could be vulnerable to men like this one.  men who consider you prey like you are still this starstruck 18-year old who cannot distinguish between a real gentleman and a dork.  men who consider you prey because you physically live alone. men who equate your alone-ness to loneliness, sexlessness and therefore, wantonness.  men who consider you prey simply because their view of women did not progress beyond their experience of failed marriages and stagnant careers.

and though i pity, i have to kill.  like issues that have no bearing on development or is insignificant, one must kill. so shall i kill. i kill with silence. i kill by signifying no time. i kill by leaving no room for 'porma'. i kill for self-preservation. because the days of reconnecting with past lovers, married past lovers, over facebook are over. because the days of being prey are over. because now, i am not just stronger or wiser. i am unafraid, and i choose to live free.

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