at my lowest last week, was able to articulate in such a direct manner for Jane to appreciate, the difficulty of living up to her standards of the thesis. what with the lack of productive time, of the work workload, and frustration eating up even on the precious thesis time of 4-6am. like this blog, being written at 538am to release frustration.
i am no longer in perth. i no longer have the luxury of a picture window. i no longer have the luxury of pounding at my desk, reading, looking at the ceiling, thinking in white, walking over to her room to discuss, having cappuccino at will. i just don't have that much time.
so we agreed.
the other supe will read to vet. for them to find a simpler, doable way of moving this thesis forward.
i have to get some kind of consolidation. some piece of help to manage these facets of my life, that while not connected --- housing and hydropower --- somehow define a life carved at my 40s. i have to stay afloat.
i am not nice. i am not built that way.
but my being not nice yields results, as how serious i can be in wanting these results. just like yesterday, at Pancake House in NAIA 3. you don't mess with my order, our order. it cannot be that another table, even their follow-up order, would come earlier than our table. it should not work that day. like with my CommRel Unit in GDP. they would have not gotten the respect and attention due them if i was 'nice'.
so with this thesis. this thesis will be finished next year as i need results from my supervisors. and i will get these results because i am not 'nice'.