Influences (or Why I Write the Way I Do)

Natalie Goldberg (free-flowing writing)
Clarissa Pinkola Estes (wild woman writing)
Jane Hutchison (direct-to-the-point writing)
Ernest Hemingway (simple words writing)

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

The Abode

So the Bank is the decision point
And I wait with strategy and conviction
You will be mine, My Dear Abode

Sunday, March 29, 2015

Yes to What Is

i say Yes, you are owning this condo
You are investing in stocks
You are increasing your net worth

Believe. Believe. Believe.
And Work with Passion for it.

Saturday, March 28, 2015

Time, Mine

today, i had buffet lunch all alone. before, i had a buffet friend, or call a friend; normally, Cora when she was still here in the philippines.  i just took it slow. enjoyed the food at City Buffet where, of course, the buffet is not as diverse, mouth-watering and fulfilling as Heat at Edsa Shang or at Galleria.  perhaps i had 10 helpings in all. alternating eating, standing and getting helpings.

then here at home, for the first time, browsed through Good Housekeeping mags, the back issue dated as far back as May 2014. ah, terrible. but i did it. almost after a year.

so here i am. with a condo all lighted up. made deliberately messy but still chic. two travel bags, plastic bags with indigenous gabi and green peas. two more issues of GH amd self-help books on the blue sofa.

all this time until tuesday next week is mine. just mine to keep and spend. Thanks for Holy Week. And thanks for the Wise One for granting me this.

Friday, March 27, 2015

Coup D'├ętat

They know just where to hurt me. So even I was surprised as tears gushed with the Wise One on the other end. After weeks absorbing denial, insult, put-downs, treachery. Tears that perhaps boded the timing, might have been the decision point to turn the rising tide of error, poor judgment. I will clear my mind of all these, just as tears released the pain and frustration of weeks.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

My Buckets

i do not have a bucket list.

i have buckets.

Fort Yaman Cafe
Vitti's Bickies
Pizza Nette
Dunkin Donuts
College Completion Scholarships
One-More-Classroom Program
H20 Station
The Stock Market

filling buckets in full
Fulfilling Buckets

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

You Need A Pencil

chapter 4 has been emailed last Sunday, so in my bag, now on my desk are three parts of supposedly just one chapter.  the decision point is whether to compress in one or two chapters, and how? read a first few pages of the first two parts, and could not endure my writing. too general, too hyperventilating, which means i am not clear with the thinking while writing these 3 years ago.

to start, to really start, i must have to endure one thing. to read through the texts, read through all 100+ pages, back to back of an equivalent three chapters. how much can i take?

and so etched on the first ever page: YOU NEED A PENCIL. a pencil to underline, encircle, highlight with a star and yes, slash.  because looking back, one cannot compress everything known on Kaantabay in a thesis. a thesis can only carry this much argument, this much burden of evidence, this weight.

so the unloading, and the writing work, continues.

and Vitti, don't forget to file your originals, and save tables and figures in a separate Word doc.

Monday, March 23, 2015

And So, Yes

and so persist.

make a difference.

mentor. be kind.

on principles: never compromise, never be nice.

just be who you are.

be who you really are.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Yoga Practice

i didn't want to go. canceled the reservation but then went on again.  5 more sessions to complete the Flexi pass. it was close to 3pm and i was rushing. i do not want to be late. my body ached from yesterday's cardio exercises but still...i walked five blocks away with sweat trickling down the left side of my neck. 

but it must have been Mel's encouraging coaxing, the softness and warmth of her voice and the care she exudes in managing the exercises, the poses for newbies, actually, returnees to yoga like me. so in more than an hour, i struggled with the heat, but the in the poses, i was less wobbly and getting firm on my feet.

i'm just glad i have come. that's why Yoga is Practice. like writing, like Natalie Goldberg's writing practice. one just have to go back to it, get back to it, and persist despite the many reasons to say 'no'. to practice is to be there. the practice is to commit. the practice is to just do. the practice is saying 'no' to 'no-ing'. 

Saturday, March 21, 2015

The Other Woman - Bea and John Lloyd

it's so painful, can't watch another run.

but i love the story for its honesty, no-nonsense take on false relationships and those relationships that just won't take off because the past just cannot be undone.

i cried more than once.

and the ending is haunting. how can you bear to love someone you can never own? how can one endure the frustration of unrequited love until the very end?

Friday, March 20, 2015

Friday Eats

Every Friday that I'm in Manila, vowed to eat at joints around BGC. Started with Wrong Ramen, then The Farm, Tuscano, and I Love Shack. This means I've been in Manila, stayed over weekends, only five times since mid-January. And so the count of joints continue. Until the next full Friday...

Thursday, March 19, 2015

This Peace

To endure and past the test
Find, that the craving will diminish
That the need is not flesh
And that silence, calm is a healing thing
But I still believe
The Good One will come

Wednesday, March 18, 2015


the weather is still cool in isabela, especially in the morning. even at lunchtime, cold air permeates despite being flooded by the sun, which razes oh so viciously in this part of the world, it hurts the skin.  it's not even summer yet. so another season is passing away, still leaving remnants, and another is about to come. another set of quarters coming, and i am moving on to start anew while continuing what has been built, the anchor ones, for the future. looking ahead with a macro vision.

Tuesday, March 17, 2015


You are the backbone of GDP.

The respect and trust of a fellow leader is priceless.

Thank you, Sir Mar.

Monday, March 16, 2015

The First

I know what to say, you only have to ask. After all, all those years.

Sunday, March 15, 2015

Those Days

if there is one leader in innovation, it would be the designers of women's sanitary napkins - Moddess and Whisper.  never a month when there is nothing new with the length (mid to all-nights), the style (maxi/ mini), the texture (breathable), the form (raised middle) of a sanitary napkin. hurrah to women? or hurrah to advertising. i never really cared. for the past 33 years, i still prefer Those Days --- non-wing, unscented, ordinary but fits the simple purpose of holding the mens during those days.  Amen.

Saturday, March 14, 2015

Better Fit

i was hesitant to start. a newbie in front of an old crowd. but one just had to start.

so took out this mat, got an FF bench with gym balls on the side, and i started. it was not too bad. was not at all that embarrassing. there are newbies there like me. but i was the only one holding an exercise sheet.

and then suddenly, as i was exercising by the window, the sunlight streamed in, and this wave of exhilaration overwhelmed me. facing the east, and the sun on my face.  getting fit takes a lot of effort, it takes a lot of sun to be rejuvenated, and it takes a lot of heart to start and maintain the regimen.

i am reaching my goal to better fitness.

Friday, March 13, 2015

Fitness Nga

i'm gaining weight because of muscle wasting. this is what happens when a person consumes less calories than she is burning through exercise. the muscles get consumed by the body, only to be replaced by fat. hence the weight gain.

i exercise regularly even when on the field. i swim, do pilates, do sun salutations. here at BGC, i walk to and from work.

so now, to lose weight and maintain it more effectively, i have been instructed by the FF nutritionist to reintroduce good carbs to my diet - in the form of whole wheat breads, pasta, even potatoes. rice is actually best recommended because it only takes 1 cup to have 8 slices of bread and 2 cups of pasta.

so now i eat but also exercise with instruction. yoga 2x a week and gym work 3x a week.

a smarter way to get fit, again, that is.

Thursday, March 12, 2015

The Old Dinosaur

so i am already considered an old dinosaur. a single mom and a single income-earner. that had to be hedged, protected, prioritized. only a comet from outer space can make me extinct, but still, i have to consider the options outside are no longer that rich, i compete with the young and the hungry, and as a dinosaur, i may be a T-Rex, big but with small arms. my reach is not that long. so where i am going, i have to invest the next 16 years of my life. where i will retire and perhaps, retire happy, content and blissful out of all the battles that only hard women like me can endure and triumph. but i will not forget this lesson. and i will endeavour to finish, within the year, this PhD.

Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Feasting Time

i really should mope but i won't
really should ignore commitment but not my style
really should not report but can't be unprofessional
so i endure seeing and witnessing
the hyenas playing on what was built
what had to be laid down in earnest
tiring difficult but sweet rewarding toil
i will endure see and witness them feast
and freeze and retch and die
from the poison of deceit

Sunday, March 8, 2015

Sa Aga Na

Dai inabot ang pagsamod, pagpunas
Napakaray pa man kabinet
Nag apon mga lumang resibo
Naisaray mga anik-anik
Nakua mga nawawarang ID
Nakalaba ning flags, figuratively
Nakababad ning mejas, mga itum
Ngunyan makayod pa din
Binayaan ang dai pa nasasamudan
Dai pa napupunasan
Sa aga na lang
Sa dai natapo ngunyan
Pirming may sa aga
Pirming may aga

Friday, March 6, 2015

Taking a Sick Leave

i'm not really sick. the headache has subsided after the bowl of cereals and the unbelievably strong black coffee from Organo Gold, just one cup, thereafter. still not the type to lie in bed, and sleep while the sun is out there, bursting in glory. but i feel that i deserve this. to not rush, take the time to take used clothes out of this traveling bag one by one. not fuss over unwashed dishes. spend time to heat water for a later bath. run the checklist in my mind, slowly, of what to do with three banks today. and later, spend time, for the first time, at the newly opened J.Co's across the street. then go through the grocery list --- looking forward to a first full weekend, and a first full work week this March here in Manila. Then attend to two major emails and a deliverable for Peter. no one's sick. but someone deserves a leave.

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Weird Chapter 4

Couldn't find the file with tables
Couldn't find the folder
Couldn't find the mother folder
Not in the ever durable Acer
Not in the Passport USB
Not in Box
Lost in a virtual Bermuda Triangle

Sunday, March 1, 2015


Feb 28
Just five, but brains, vibes and passion working
Taking easily the call of obligation
Taking the call of another wild
Something of the earth
Led by another wild woman now
Be led and lead, new tracks, fresh tracks