Influences (or Why I Write the Way I Do)

Natalie Goldberg (free-flowing writing)
Clarissa Pinkola Estes (wild woman writing)
Jane Hutchison (direct-to-the-point writing)
Ernest Hemingway (simple words writing)

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

The Choice

i love Janis Joplin. her intensity and honesty. but i just did something with Spotify today. i removed most of her songs. most of her angst about love, about failed and unrequited romances.  these are not mine to herald anymore. i un-claim hanging on to ballads on heartbreak and failure. they have been a part of me. but i choose to leave them by the door, no longer part of my house.

i see myself happy at work, with family, travel, fitness, passions, collections, investments. i choose to be happy. and that includes the love of belonging. of belonging steadfast to that one man whom i will grow old in affection, respect, laughter, shared endeavors, a journey to the twilight of our years. i choose what is best, and good, and lasting.

Monday, April 27, 2015

Reading...Poetry

i am reading poetry
for reasons other than to combat alzheimer's
i am reading to find my voice again
that it can lilt, whisper and just as in my mind
i was reading Maya Angelou's Still I Rise
my voice was rising in a crescendo
I rise! I rise! I rise!
i wish i could read out loud
as much as my voice is shouting
in this head
and so i read poetry
to find peace
and to never run away again

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Choices

Life stops when we run out of choices. When we leave out choices for others. And we steal those meant for others. This is one important lesson on the road to kindness.

Friday, April 24, 2015

Mighty Me

ha, mighty
to lug and sit and speak and study
it never stops
only faces and conditions vary
one does not stop
one only passes the baton
and the cycle continues

Monday, April 20, 2015

Implead

Please don't waste my time
If it's meant to make me feel sorry
Been deprived for long
Have forgotten what wanting means
And though my heart still melts, flutters
It is for what I see, of others
It has been a long time
Long enough to love the silence
Awaiting no one's footsteps
I am the only soul that lives here
So unless you're here to stay, endure
Restore what you've had destroyed
Then stop wasting Time

Saturday, April 18, 2015

An Unforgetting Past

perhaps it's his one last attempt to the one who got away. me. still mystified by the kiss, after more than two decades. looked for two years. naniningil ng two years wait in facebook. and so what if i resurfaced only now? this will not dent his plans. no matter what, the road is still paved for him and his bride. but still, a man he is. and me. i am no longer one lonely woman.

Friday, April 17, 2015

So Many Me

i am many animals.
pig, horse, tiger, eagle
i could be more complicated
than having four types of soap
i am coming full circle
someday, i will just burst
and overwhelm,
everyone

Friday, April 10, 2015

First Day

close to lunch, just set up the work station, set-up a system for keeping and locating files, and dealt with the concerns of a team member.  then, the first series of meetings.  then, a long talk with the Wise One. so this is how it is. i need more time in a day. i need more productive time. i need to huddle down, and work.

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

She Reconsidered

she admits, going 360. changing her mind, a position once firm. unaffected by undying affection, time, the presents, the endurance. so when he came in person, perhaps attempting a short visit, she can't help but be taken. by the attention, the breath of hope, and that semblance of a love suddenly taken from her, three years ago. so now, she's giving herself a chance. another go at believing in the words, the presence, the trust - his. i see myself in her. but the results may come around differently. she will be happier if she gives herself time to really unravel. that what is inside is love that can not only take and relish but also endure, accept and forgive.

Friday, April 3, 2015

The Good Dad on a Good Friday

Good Friday April 1 was when we lost Daddy to his first heart attack. He nade misua with fish for lunch and was listening to the Seven Last Words over the radio. I still wonder what life would have been with Daddy still around.  He would have turned 65 by 10 May. Set to retire perhaps at Forbeswood.

I imagine the good times, the best times. Oh, the movies he missed. From the Lord of the Rings to Ocean's Thirteen and Argo. He and Mom will love BGC. Walking in the morning and group aerobics at 9th Avenue. He will discover Starbucks but will love CTBL, like me. He might still be writing, consulting. More at ease, controlled with his temper. Perhaps we'll get to know more, become acquainted with the other one. 

Now Daddy is in heaven. Good Friday will not be the same since 1994. 

But still. I love you Daddy. I miss you. You've been great. A real good Dad.



Wednesday, April 1, 2015

The Luxury of Nothing

rest, rest
no deadlines, no alarm clocks
ahead is reading, massage, swimming
more time with the daughter
just breathing in home, my first home