Influences (or Why I Write the Way I Do)

Natalie Goldberg (free-flowing writing)
Clarissa Pinkola Estes (wild woman writing)
Jane Hutchison (direct-to-the-point writing)
Ernest Hemingway (simple words writing)

Sunday, May 10, 2015

A Past Blog Made Me Feel

it still gets to me.

i was going through the readership of this blog (which is not too big for a blog which is 1 of a billion blogs in cyberspace) when i chanced through this. and i fathom, i was really in love with this person once. and it was deep and it felt right. forever was so visible.

but i recall that only last friday, i was giving precious advice to my teammate whose relationship, her engagement to that special someone was teetering on the brink of break-up. a similar situation that i was through in 2012. and i remember my advice. do not follow my track. my relationship did not take root. it was not deep enough to be saved.

and then i saw this blog, this blog where the sun, my favorite motif, was all splendor. the sun was so beautiful it did not matter whether it was on the rise or was setting. but still, in the blog, i acknowledged my love as both the sunrise or the sunset of my life --- now i wonder, was i the one who blogged, or him?

i react as if a third-person. so i did really fall in love. so at that moment, love enveloped my soul. thank you. thank you for this blog for bringing me back to that feeling. acknowledging that it did exist, that love. thank you too, to him, the one who made it possible. what i felt, what we had, was true. even though now, it does not exist anymore. this love. and i sometimes doubt myself. i sometimes feel alzheimer's disease infects the heart as well.

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