i ditched the book 'Nights in Rodanthe'.
i wanted to believe again. and the mistake was the assumption that a work on fiction will stir up that belief.
i was wrong.
i have gone beyond stories of two lonely people, 'finding' themselves and realizing that they are who they want to have for forever.
i don't believe in 'forever' even. no one wants to love one person, forever. i cannot stand having a man, all the time, even for a day. it's just so stifling.
so beyond nicholas sparks' book where the characters get to meet and know they love one another over dinner, walks-after dinner, breakfast, walks-after-breakfast, lunch and walks-after lunch --- what is there to get? what is there to believe in, again?
oh God. i give up on love in fiction. it's never close to what realists like me have learned to believe.
one cannot love the same man forever. as none can love two different men the same way. or the same man, the same way.
love that lasts is the one that answers wants not needs.
and i want to just be me and love men, when i want to. on occasion. for special purposes. but please. none to last my next 44 years.
just let me be. and i will let men be.