Influences (or Why I Write the Way I Do)

Natalie Goldberg (free-flowing writing)
Clarissa Pinkola Estes (wild woman writing)
Jane Hutchison (direct-to-the-point writing)
Ernest Hemingway (simple words writing)

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Because It's A Sunday

the condo is quiet. the niece is studying by her lonesome in the other room. while i struggle with deliverables on my end, which i do not want to do. because it's a sunday. it's rest day. and i just had yoga. and my feet is raised on the blue futon. and there's a gratitude journal to finish. it's Sunday ok? go home, guilt. go home.

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

To Overflow

The cup runneth over
I have the means, enough and more

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

I Remember You

I will remember you.

i learned that you chose to forget by entirely declaring that for you, I do not exist.

it's alright. that is your way of coping with loss. but as i've maintained, right before we separated, your way is not the learning way. it keeps from accepting your weaknesses. it keeps you with your mask on. it keeps you lying.

i hope that the lies that you learned to claim, will not come to haunt you, especially in the present state of your relationship. and in this age.

this is the age of social media. no secret can be kept. there is always someone, some thing, some place, that will shake that resolve of forgetting. you will not know what will hit you.

i really felt so sorry for you. and until now, i still do. i pity you for the choices made just to avoid loneliness. i pity you so much.

again, learn to accept and acknowledge.

i am not going any where

and you have to re-learn forgetting.

i exist as you exist and we existed.

face the truth.

Monday, September 21, 2015

Because I Just Forgot

and so i thought i blogged for the last two days, and not
just as i thought i have to do this thing, leave it for coffee,
and totally forget about it
like how i tend to miss the names of this favorite actor or movie
and just this morning, someone said hi to me at McDo
but i forgot the name that goes with the face
and so i forgot, silly, but i do so more often now
silly, not yet scared though

Friday, September 18, 2015

Where It Takes You

the work at 4am in the morning is not just about writing. like today, with barely an hour before preparations to yoga class, the work was on reading original chapter paragraphs. reading only. to get the feel of where editing will concentrate and which parts are better left culled. this way, i have tapered down around 20% of the word count although the total is still above what Jane requires at 10,000 words a chapter. so today, i end with this. i work again tomorrow, even for just an hour. see what the discipline of daily thesis work, however short, will take you. it took me somewhere sunny today.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

Deliverance for my Daughter

it is more than a consolation to know, and be assured that She will not carry these burdens. that in her lifetime, She will not know how it is, how it feels to be lied to, abandoned, taken-for-granted, used, mocked and forgotten. it if took my pain, the burden of it, to relieve her of the same, then i would gladly undergo the cycle of neglect and torment, all for Her.

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Ready

I must leave to get back
And although what's left is less than ideal
Still the desire to restart and renew
Bodes of better, meaningful outcomes
Steps will be retraced soon
I am ready.

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Crossing the Chasm

sometimes the work of 60 minutes generates just one paragraph - just like today. but that paragraph is enough to free the mind from the prison of transitions. how to go from this section to another, but to do so in a way that bridging a chasm should not be a harried leap, but like treading slowly and delicately over water. the paragraph today did just that. so i am ending today's thesis day happy.

Monday, September 14, 2015

The Dip

Perhaps because it's a Monday. And immediately, had to chair and present
On top of early housekeeping. Need to yoga by tomorrow, get guidance from my young, elusive and spirited yoga master.

Sunday, September 13, 2015

This Sunday

there are Sundays like this.

you are obliged to work, but still get to enjoy the day.

breakfast with the niece.

morning mass at Sanctuario.

watching Midsomer with the meeting report

then on to more housekeeping.

still, it's a great Sunday.

Saturday, September 12, 2015

That One Sentence

often it takes just one sentence to break through or bridge one thought to another.

i did it today.

got a nudge from my gut to do the thesis, as i checked the mobile, flashing with time: 503am.

alright, 30 minutes with the white space and voila!

tomorrow, Sunday, i deserve to rest.

Friday, September 11, 2015

Restless

Ah the restlessness of a beating heart
I choose to imagine and create and hope this way

Thursday, September 10, 2015

The White Wall

when the furniture was rearranged this august, the dining room and living room switched places. thus, the red luscious sofa greets anyone who enters, and the dining table rests perpendicular to the window facing the condo's recreational area below.

with this change, i no longer face the window while doing the thesis every morning. i no longer get distracted with the windows, once a lone figure stood staring at me from one unit as early as 430am. then there are windows, the hues of morning as the sun rises up east and casts its light.

i get to see this white wall instead.

the white wall has helped me focus. what i get to see is only white space, from Susi, and the white wall in front of me, and solo Bach violin playing in the background. now, the chapter 5 intro sounds better and grounded. by tomorrow, a transition will be made to politicization. 

good writing.

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Trusting Time

Often we just have to trust time. That in time the writing will be clear. That as you think through a problem, the solution will present itself. And I, in this state, will find the right words.

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Back Home

And so I walked home
Feet soaked but still plodded on
In between the clouds heaving
And collecting more
And now I'm home
Dry with the light and beans

Monday, September 7, 2015

Purging Weeds

The master weed is gone. And like weeds, similar will  be uprooted, toxified to death. Today starts anew. Tomorrow a better time.

Sunday, September 6, 2015

52nd Day

Today's my 52nd day of gratitude writing, a practice handed down by Rhonda Byrne of The Secret and The Magic books.

It's easy.

Everyday - I do this in the evening - write down at least 10 things to be thankful for.  Write what it is and why you feel thankful for it. Then go back to the list once finished. Re-read each one and really feel the gratitude well up.

I use this to de-stress and arrest my tendency to self-penalize. Gratitude is a wellspring of optimism, faith and happiness to what is and what has been given.

Thank you from deep within.

Saturday, September 5, 2015

Apologies, Again.

i should apologize, yet again. 

no daily blogging anymore. but i'm journaling. which means, writing on paper every day, just yesterday, my 50th.

but this blog, i have to be disciplined more. 

so ok, one liners will do. i will find a way, to blog, every day, again.

Friday, September 4, 2015

Real Muscle

The formalities have been traded
More than a thousand kilometers traveled
Hunching back to real stuff
The work of numbers against conditions
The team is there to form
The leader coming forth on the frontline