how does one carry on knowing that loneliness will always be a companion? that there is no one to wait for. armed with the knowledge that for whoever may come, the relationship will just lead to separation.
there is one guy i like. JC. but to the heavens, i know i am late. i am too old. my body is too old for him. and i am not his type. 20 years before, i could have easily dragged the likes of him with one single look. but 20 years is gone,
so to the heavens I committed him. i will be happy just being his friend. and no more. in case what i desire happens, i will not let it be. because it will not be right. it will not work. i would gladly free him to be with someone he prefers than be stuck with me.
so how does one cope with this kind of loneliness? that creeping loneliness because while strength is an armor, it could be heavy to carry too, sometimes. and sometimes, how i wish there are strong capable arms welcoming me home, a shoulder, a real good one to rest my head too and cry out the day's frustrations. a strong torso, strong abs where my head can just relax and perhaps take a selfie. i want this. i do want this. but how can i hold on to it, when heaven has declared i won't have it for long.
tell me where to park my loneliness. what refuge is there to take which loneliness can no longer penetrate.