Influences (or Why I Write the Way I Do)

Natalie Goldberg (free-flowing writing)
Clarissa Pinkola Estes (wild woman writing)
Jane Hutchison (direct-to-the-point writing)
Ernest Hemingway (simple words writing)

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Chapter 5

chapter 5 is finished
right here before me
before me after 8 months
8 months that started in hate
and now, still in love
in love with my thesis
which i will let go
to the world next year

Chapter 5 is finished
how i want to cry...

Friday, November 20, 2015

At 44

Held an arnis stick for the first time
First pedicure and manicure
Gym no longer for me
Rediscovered yoga for posterity
Learning 1500 calorie meals
Managed Magat watershed project
Space and solitude mean more than men
That friendship is brutal honesty
BGC is my place, forever

Sunday, November 15, 2015

1500 Calories

not 500 for my hypothroidism a challenge which will be relished on to better health in the future thanks a lot HCG thanks a lot Doc Dea

Thursday, November 12, 2015


It's the palabok, not the carpet So I am getting well Up to my lovely grumpy self

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

At Fujisoba

At Nadai Fujisoba. Sat beside four young men. By their conversation, I wonder do they have women, or men, enduring this kind of conversation with them. Does conversation matter even, to this men, with women? And here I am, about to enjoy my lunch of hot ramen. Thank you Lord for having an ear to listen, and endure.

Monday, November 9, 2015

Meeting Dr. Ko

A new doctor 10 days of medication He doesn't think it's pneumonia

Sunday, November 8, 2015

The Lesson of 2015

For 2015 it would be this: letting go and accepting what does not work. Like gym, fitness first, old tv sets, credit card debt, duplicity, Alimit, bad carbs, overstaying visitors. To give room to the new, the fresh, and enlightening. I have to get away with unnecessary stuff.

Saturday, November 7, 2015

Fates Forking

I dreamt of S. And as always, it's the distant consciously-pretending-to-be-unconcerned S. Good that I had been warned,now, that S is my waterloo, the eternal bad luck, the one reason, it seems, my fate forked an interesting path in 1992. The reason why I ended up here. Sometimes, I do think about it. What if I have waited? Not responded to the call of lust? Would it have been a simpler life? Would I have done more? Who would I have loved? And would this love just be like any other lasting love --- you meet, get to know each other, find time to know and be more, decide forever is possible, marry, make kids, make it work, watch the garden grow and thrive. Would it have been a life I want? And perhaps this is already happening. Perhaps the other me is writing too at this moment. Dreaming the same dream last night, and shuddering with relief. Some other Vitti have taken the bait. I hope she loves the life she has now.

Friday, November 6, 2015

Books in Between

The end of book 2 on Cosette Jean Valjean finding peace twice in faith The Lonely Hunter camps outside the door Jogging memory to how it should be And this new learning on visionary companies Alright. Let the pages sigh once more

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Alone Time

I love being alone. Now the condo is mine again. It breathes me in. I caress the floor with my fear. My perspiration drips for it to capture. And my heart throbs and its energy pulses on. This is my space. I live this space.

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Pass Overs

so this is how it goes every man who comes will come and pass will pass on and never held up, to stay no one staying all fleeting by and i shall steel myself steel myself steel myself to stone

Monday, November 2, 2015

Instinct Training

there are ways to train to trust one's instinct. when a write-up looks too detailed, cut it down to size, leave only the interesting bits. in conversation, if a man opens up too much and flirts, it's time to back off and hold off any futher communication. when the leader does not say much about an issue, and one believes it's important, then the best recourse is to wait. often, one's instinct is the no that wants to be said, the pause to one's step, the reconsideration to anything rash, often brought on by extreme emotions like fear, excitement, and sometimes, boredom.

Sunday, November 1, 2015


there are so many realizations at 44. that when in doubt, do confidence that the goal of alone-ness, is to eradicate bitterness that blessings also come in what is not given that it is the child inside that needs attending and comforting that in every day, beginnings exist if only acknowledged that there are things only within one's control so choose the right ones another sense of me is unraveling, evolving.