Saturday, November 7, 2015
I dreamt of S. And as always, it's the distant consciously-pretending-to-be-unconcerned S. Good that I had been warned,now, that S is my waterloo, the eternal bad luck, the one reason, it seems, my fate forked an interesting path in 1992. The reason why I ended up here. Sometimes, I do think about it. What if I have waited? Not responded to the call of lust? Would it have been a simpler life? Would I have done more? Who would I have loved? And would this love just be like any other lasting love --- you meet, get to know each other, find time to know and be more, decide forever is possible, marry, make kids, make it work, watch the garden grow and thrive. Would it have been a life I want? And perhaps this is already happening. Perhaps the other me is writing too at this moment. Dreaming the same dream last night, and shuddering with relief. Some other Vitti have taken the bait. I hope she loves the life she has now.