Influences (or Why I Write the Way I Do)

Natalie Goldberg (free-flowing writing)
Clarissa Pinkola Estes (wild woman writing)
Jane Hutchison (direct-to-the-point writing)
Ernest Hemingway (simple words writing)

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Panginoon Kay Buti Mo

i want to remember this. at 5:56pm, 28 June. along the binalonan highway in nueva ecija, when i felt so forlorn and just blogged about sadness.

and yet there, in front of me, a van has this sign - PANGINOON, KAY BUTI MO.

and indeed He is very good to me. i have no cause for complaints.

but i can still get sad.

yet i should not settle there. that one is clear.

and so yes, i can get sad. wallow in it for a while. but there is still God's good and quiet grace to hold on and get inspiration from, in the dark days, hours of insecurity. and so work will get done. the thesis will be submitted. and i will write. as i am writing now..

Panginoon Kay Buti Mo for living in my present. and in that perfect time, give assurance of the future.

That Sadness

i have written about sadness before.

and now it's settling in again.

amidst deadlines i miss and cannot meet. amidst not writing the thesis. amidst not getting the trust of those who matter. it's that subtle feelings of loneliness. of being alone in that blue chair at home. from a vantage point of the whole space that is mine, and i am alone. with work that i cannot finish,

and so i just sit. and get sad.

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

I am Driving

 i don't get jittery when i drive. even with the test drive of the brio amaze, i was alright.  it's me getting in control of a vehicle and worried of the safety outside of it than mine. and so i am in braking mode all the time. get to practice all-around vision and scanning and more aware of my blind spots.and so while i will get to test edsa only this coming saturday and sunday, i know it is something i would have to do and learn to live by. by july, it is a change in routine as i get to learn this life skill. i am driving.

Monday, June 20, 2016

A Mom's Insecurity

sometimes i feel she does not like me. does not kiss or even hug when i arrive.  i feel like she gets embarrassed with how old i look. does not want to be identified of the simple me. and while would wish to ask her point blank about it, i just let it be. because what i feel may not be what it really is. perhaps i will feel that love in the right time and when i least know how. so i wait. and i let the distance be.

Saturday, June 18, 2016

The Swedish Massge


took out all demons hiding in this body. Jade her name was. and while it did not feel like an hour's massage, i know that this body needs more. needs more hands comforting and invigorating at all the right places. Thank you Filipiniana Massage and Spa. 

Thursday, June 16, 2016

My Affirmation Board

Cherishing what I have Become and Becoming
it was a Sunday when i let go of scheduled tasks. was supposed to yoga at 4pm and clean the toilet. but no, these will come later or none at all.  instead, went on to doing the things i've so often deferred - like doing my Affirmation Board - which now is glorified in the kitchen bag for me to see everyday. Affirming the sweet life, the grateful life. Yaman and I - preparing our future together, the brighter path now taken, our having our own home, our family car, my dream job now at SNAP, my monies, insurance and retirement fund, great health and wellness. i see what I have become. and i affirm all these in Gratitude and God's Grace.

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Doing the Social Contract

my decision to write the social contract lit review, and from there move back to chapter 3, 4, and 5 and revise these accordingly with the new framework. this course has the possibility of trimming down the chapters to 8 which means i might be able to finish the revisions within the year. say this is the right decision Lord?  please say this is the right thing to do, now.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Demonstrate

i will demonstrate how strategic management planning is done with my team. because despite how much of heeing and hawing, the taste of the butter is in the pudding, and so, to criticize is not enough. one must illustrate one's point with one's work.  to demonstrate is the way to go.

Monday, June 13, 2016

New Investments

In less than a month, I am richer with a real estate investment at Acacia Estates in Taguig, a bond investment with SCB and the third retirement plan with Sunlife.

I am so grateful for my work and the wonderful agents that have made all these possible.

Thank you very much Lord for your grace.

Sunday, June 12, 2016

I Belong to Me

perhaps i belong to me
to christen this space as my rightful own
to let solitude take a permanent seat on the table
and make peace with the ghosts of separation
just let it hover once in a while
but like any thing ethereal
will blend with the air and leave

and so the questioning is over
the random desires quieted
realizing that it is better to rise above desire
and reconcile the flesh and spiritual
in a life where the peace of single life beckons

and so yes I belong to me
men will come and may not stay
but in all
i kept me intact
i have risen above all