Influences (or Why I Write the Way I Do)

Natalie Goldberg (free-flowing writing)
Clarissa Pinkola Estes (wild woman writing)
Jane Hutchison (direct-to-the-point writing)
Ernest Hemingway (simple words writing)

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Writing Back the Thesis

This is how I'm getting back to writing the thesis, especially my framework. Started by getting Jane's key questions, and mine. And from here just answering and getting pointers along the way, like, I should define what a social contract means and know what to study about it - the key components. The discipline is to stay on course of answering from memory the key questions and from there, draw the next steps. I want to finish this PhD. A major life goal for me. So I stay on course.

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Muscle Memory

every time i'm set to drive, i still do get nervous.

just like today. i was with Ira. so before i started, prayed the prayers that Auntie Yev shared with me.

i am already learning to drive confidently. from days of driving when i can. whenever i can.

like next week, Aug 13 and 14. i will drive Cutesy again. perhaps in EDSA on the 14th.

Saturday, August 6, 2016


it is a day of envelopes today.

one envelope bearing authorization for blood tests, and results received at 1145am today.
one envelope for the medical certificate for flank pain
one envelope for the tutor's evaluation of the daughter's progress.
one envelope showing her lessons plans for Math, Science, and English in school.

these envelopes giving witness to my anemia
that my bones are getting weaker
and that i need to closely watch the daughter's academics

and today, I journey back to Manila.
bearing on new weight, as I divested much in this 8-day rest.

Friday, August 5, 2016

Meditating in Hashbrown

It was an exercise on mindfulness. I willed myself to eat a hashbrown at McDo-Magsaysay, fully. Just it. The time held between the hashbrown in my right hand and me. And this is what I noticed. Almost automatically, a thought would come like the distraction to text Xandy, the mom of Yaman's bestfriend, Kyla. It was automatic. I reached for the mobile phone but just in time, my mind nudged me back to mindfulness. The will to not be distracted. And to let the hashbrown rule  my world. To be overcome by a hashbrown.

And this is what I noticed again. That a McDo hashbrown is really delicious for its crunchiness and the extraordinary quality of each cubed piece, held together by a little flour and perhaps egg whites. A hashbrown costs P27 with VAT of P3. And it is just perfect with plain water. The saltiness washed down by ordinary clean water. It is too distracting to be enveloped with this noise in a typical McDo outlet. The babble of voices rising, from orders to calls and open conversations. But I am here, taking all these in, along with every bite of hashbrown.

And how grateful I am for today. This experience of mindfulness. Of taking the experience of eating in, while erecting barriers for the mind to  do its absorbing, simmering act. What a breakthrough.

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Swimming Again

it was my first exercise after an almost 3-week hiatus from yoga.

swimming, i swam from 750 to 850 am.

i swam like 30 laps. 10 breastroke. then 10 laps of alternating breast stroke and freestyle. then another 10 laps of the same.

i remember Sir Mar and his meditation on water while freestyling. i so understand this now. the effortless swim. the glide. the smile in every stroke. i nearly closed my eyes. but i was still afraid.

but i went swimming. i swam this morning.

Tuesday, August 2, 2016


i do not like mirrors. they remind me of ghosts. of white ladies appearing out of nowhere reflecting themselves back with contorted hideous faces.

there was a time, at Guijo, Quezon City, i lived over a year without a mirror. made myself up by just looking at the powder mirror.  i was so totally unaware of the need that my Mom bought one from Naga as a present.

until now, i do not like mirrors. i do not like looking at myself for long. i do not even stare at myself even in public comfort rooms where I need to wash hands after using the toilet.

i do not like what i see. The pudgy, fat and round me. even though i'm not. i'm afraid of this un-beautiful version of me.

i still hate mirrors.

Monday, August 1, 2016

Renewing Tithing

i am supposed to tithe Php13k per month. but as of August last year, i have adjusted this to 8k and come May this year, this has been down to 4k, divided as follows: 2k for Sunday mass, 1k for the Immaculate Heart of Mary Charities in Cebu City and 1k for Project Pearls.  For August last year, I brought a computer where 4.5k was allotted for payment. and then by May 2016, I began investing in real estate in DMCI where I allot about 10k a month for payments. it is with Project Pearls that I have become remissed since May 2016, mainly because of travels that make it infrequent to stay in Manila and visit BPI banks for the deposit. but tithing I will renew by this month.