Influences (or Why I Write the Way I Do)

Natalie Goldberg (free-flowing writing)
Clarissa Pinkola Estes (wild woman writing)
Jane Hutchison (direct-to-the-point writing)
Ernest Hemingway (simple words writing)

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Pride

a high school friend of mine died today. of breast cancer - after a double mastectomy and treatment for six months. i have a feeling her treatment was a rip-off. doctors egging for treatment while rubbing their hands happy for the fees. she died just after the cancer invaded also her bones and kidneys. on her pictures in FB, i see that not only life was extinguished from her. her face was devoid already of hope.

we were about to meet sometime in november. but i sensed that she will cancel. we used to be housemates and our parting was not well. still, i was hoping to see her, but she canceled last minute with her blood chem results as attachments. told her. it's not necessary. if she's not feeling well, then alright to cancel. but i guessed she was just not ready to meet me with her condition. just had her head shaved. she would come not her confident upright self.

i've always said that when it's my time, i will choose no treatment. but then who knows? who knows what reasons you're celebrating life when cancer strikes? who knows the reasons that will make you choose to be well, despite the costs, and despite the doctors grinning sheepishly in the background. perhaps the way to go above all is Pride. to hold on to that ounce of self-belief that one can make it, and that surviving is an active decision, rather than just a passive outcome.

i choose to remember her happy and vibrant. so long my friend.

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