A man from the past made contact. Quite gruffly. His language was quite arrogant. Demanding that I send him my CV. As if I wanted extra work. As if I needed the work he has to offer. As if I need him. He has so not gotten over 'it' - what - like 23 years ago? This same man called me two years ago and said that well, if I've met him just after he and his wife got separated, I would already be in Canada, with him. Really? I need you to get to Canada? That I really need to depend on any man to get anywhere in this world. Really?
It takes a lot of courage to be single in a world where companionship and sex could be obtained in an app. But the security I'm in, it's not negotiable. I got to this point by enduring, accepting and finally finding peace with loving myself above all else. I did not fornicate for the heck of it. Nor did I force myself to fall in love with someone else just for the sake of warming half of the bed. I need not be told that I need anyone. I am not confusing companionship with dependency. I do not need to get laid to get a job. I am working for a very prestigious company where I hold a position of esteem. My status allows me to travel, on my expense, at will, any part of the world. I do not need a man to fulfill my wants.
It's not that I do not need a man. When work gets overbearing, it crosses my mind what it would be like to care for husband, hearth and children. But then I fear being caged in. And I feel renewed again. Being a single parent and having a great job.
I am just not that kind of woman anymore. The one who craves for attention, and mistakes it for love. I am no longer the kind of woman who kowtows and begs for attention on these kinds of men - the arrogant, the passive-aggressive, the narcissist, the good-for-nothing - just to be whole. I am already whole. I have risen above you all. Oh you lot. Goodbye for good.
Friday, April 7, 2017
my to-do list is full. readings and reports to read, at least, have gone past a quarter post-it note. on a writing glut on the thesis. but still, i am alright. there is no room for worry in a day where the mind is filled with what-to-do-next-on-what. the most important thing is that I am on top of it all. and the best thing is that, I am here. I am well. and Time is conspiring to just let it be. all these to-do's will be 'done's' on the right time. and I am here navigating on the immediate.